May the Fourth Be With You. (From "Late Show," air date: 5/16/05)

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.

Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be ...Read More

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were camping in the forest. They had gone to bed and were lying beneath the night sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"I see thousands of stars."

"And what does that mean ...Read More

One day in court, the prosecuting lawyer asked the farmer on the witness stand, "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the policeman you had never felt better in your life?"

"That's right." The farmer replied.

"Well...Read More

Two hydrogen atoms bumped into each other recently.

One said: "Why do you look so sad?"

The other responded: "I lost an electron."

Concerned, One asked "Are you sure?"

The other replied "I'm positive."

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.

Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off...Read More