ArcaMax

But baby pigeon said, "I can't make it; I'll get too tired." His mother said, "Don't worry; I'll tie a piece of string to one of your legs and the other end to mine."

The baby started to cry.

"What's wrong?" said the mother.

"I don't want to be pigeon towed!"

"Let's start off with some good news - North Korea has agreed to halt their nuclear weapons program. The bad news they're going to keep making the Kia." --Jay Leno

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"One really embarrassing moment from the Emmys when William Shatner had to be evacuated from the buffet. I don't want to say the show was a disaster, but former Presidents...Read more

They were studying for finals and grabbing snacks from the student union on a gossamer spring day. Each flashcard and burrito and blanket on a lawn comprised the unspoken curriculum of life. A crop of new adults becoming who they will be.

And then the thing happened. Let's be honest, the thing they always knew was coming. The thing they've ...Read more

I saw it out of the corner of my eye as it darted from under the entertainment unit in the family room, around the corner and into the kitchen. Of course, I wasn't really sure if it was anything more than a dust bunny. However, it's pretty unusual to see a dust bunny with a clear agenda, and this one seemed like it definitely had a destination...Read more

Hi, and welcome to your new dishwasher! We hope you enjoy the experience of not quite getting your dishes clean every day for the rest of your life. This manual will take you through some of the finer points of using your exciting appliance.

First, please know that you must load the dishwasher in order for it to work. Stacking rinsed dishes ...Read more

When I used to live in the city, I would use my lunch break from work to shop one-day sample sales. This had the dual advantage of keeping me slim (no lunch) and getting cool clothes at a bargain. Of course, there were no dressing rooms at these things, and I live in fear of the day a hidden-camera tape surfaces on the internet of me ripping ...Read more

How did you spend Liberation Day? I celebrated President Donald Trump announcing confounding reciprocal tariffs on worldwide trading partners by wondering how much money to hide inside my mattress, fielding inquiries from mortgage brokers and listening to the new Kesha song. It's like we never made it out of 2009.

With the stock market ...Read more

As I perused the latest fashion magazine, I noticed something about the models.

They all had big eyebrows. Big, perfect eyebrows. Big, sculpted, perfectly groomed and arched eyebrows.

And I did not.

Not that I'm comparing myself to a model, because that would be impossible on just so many levels. I could not make myself 6 feet tall, 115 ...Read more

Eyes up, children. It's 2025, and you can say goodbye to Takis and Mountain Dew Code Red by the pool. Government is getting more efficient, and fast. That means everyone will have to work harder, including those of you with a still-soft prefrontal cortex.

It's time you learned a few things about life. We're dumping boring meetings held in ...Read more

When it comes to desserts, there are three kinds of people: sugary-dessert people, fruit-dessert people and no-dessert people. I'm a sugary-dessert person, and like most sugary-dessert people, I don't get the other kinds of dessert people at all. I can almost understand no-dessert people. But fruit-dessert people? Fruit as a dessert seems like...Read more

"Hello, hello," I said when I saw my husband's number come up on my phone.

Nothing.

"Hellllloooooooooo?" I said louder.

"Can I have a tall decaf skim mocha Frappuccino?" I heard my husband say. It sounded like he wasn't talking directly into his phone but rather from a galaxy far, far away.

"HELLLLOOOOOO!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. ...Read more

Last weekend, I ventured on a wee break to the Rainbow River in Dunnellon, Florida, with friends. You know, clumsy kayaking, steamy morning java, birds and otters aplenty. The group discouraged phone use, a disorienting prospect in 2025 when national policy unfolds via unhinged tweets at all hours of the night.

While I didn't go cold turkey ...Read more

Back in my early days of suburbia, I received one or two catalogs in the mail, and that was about it. However, catalogs, I soon learned, are like rabbits: They tend to multiply if left unattended. At first I looked forward to the occasional Pottery Barn and Williams-Sonoma catalogs. Not that I was buying, because we were young and house poor. ...Read more

I spoke to a women's group last week about writing columns, working in news, hitting deadlines and all things Hot Global Mess. After the event, I chatted with a couple folks who shared similar sentiments: They're burned out.

The first woman tearfully said she saved a recent column I wrote about not wanting to talk about the news because it ...Read more