Humor

/

Entertainment

Best and Worst Recession Indicators

on

How did you spend Liberation Day? I celebrated President Donald Trump announcing confounding reciprocal tariffs on worldwide trading partners by wondering how much money to hide inside my mattress, fielding inquiries from mortgage brokers and listening to the new Kesha song. It's like we never made it out of 2009.

With the stock market cruising toward peril and some economists casting the likelihood of recession at more than 50%, a certain devil-may-care energy is returning to the cultural space. Recession pop is already in full swing, but it's crucial to look for other signs of economic downturn in the zeitgeist. I've reviewed a variety of historical documents to determine which signs of struggle will be fun to relive and which ones we must never endure again. No, I will not explain my reasons.

Recession indicators I will welcome:

Statement necklaces

Chandelier earrings

Jewel-toned skinny denim and moto jackets

Dubstep remixes of Creed songs

Radio-friendly metal music many stepdads would enjoy

Original Four Loko

Chili's Southwestern Eggrolls and Awesome Blossom

An infinity scarf with a star print

Lady Gaga's meat dress

Dwight Schrute memes

A little poof of bangs secured with bobby pins and aerosol hairspray

Equal access to marriage

"Mad Men" rewatch

A pointless game show such as "Don't Forget the Lyrics"

I Can Has Cheezburger and cat content in general

George W. Bush giving an old-fashioned radio address to instill hope in the American people because it's better than nothing at the moment

Level 2 spray tan

Recession indicators I will not welcome:

High-risk subprime mortgages

 

Business blazers over bandage dresses at the club

The Black Eyed Peas

A particular style of brown ankle bootie with a half-inch heel and oval toe

Dubstep remixes of Papa Roach songs

An infinity scarf with a skull print

More Marvel Cinematic Universe and/or Transformers movies

Ponzi schemes

Multilevel marketing companies selling essential oils, purses or leggings

Outbreak of H1N1

"Charlie bit my finger"

Lindsay Lohan legal troubles (I just want her to be happy)

Sarah Palin impressions

The word "adorbs"

Windows 7

The comet Hale-Bopp and any associated cult activity

Dow Jones falling below 9,000

Level 3 spray tan

========

Stephanie Hayes is a columnist at the Tampa Bay Times in Florida. Follow her at @stephhayes on X or @stephrhayes on Instagram.

----


Copyright 2025 Creators Syndicate Inc.

 

Comments

blog comments powered by Disqus

 

Related Channels

Jase Graves

Jase Graves

By Jase Graves
Tracy Beckerman

Tracy Beckerman

By Tracy Beckerman

Comics

Darrin Bell 1 and Done 9 Chickweed Lane Bob Gorrell Baby Blues Wee Pals