Best and Worst Recession Indicators
How did you spend Liberation Day? I celebrated President Donald Trump announcing confounding reciprocal tariffs on worldwide trading partners by wondering how much money to hide inside my mattress, fielding inquiries from mortgage brokers and listening to the new Kesha song. It's like we never made it out of 2009.
With the stock market cruising toward peril and some economists casting the likelihood of recession at more than 50%, a certain devil-may-care energy is returning to the cultural space. Recession pop is already in full swing, but it's crucial to look for other signs of economic downturn in the zeitgeist. I've reviewed a variety of historical documents to determine which signs of struggle will be fun to relive and which ones we must never endure again. No, I will not explain my reasons.
Recession indicators I will welcome:
Statement necklaces
Chandelier earrings
Jewel-toned skinny denim and moto jackets
Dubstep remixes of Creed songs
Radio-friendly metal music many stepdads would enjoy
Original Four Loko
Chili's Southwestern Eggrolls and Awesome Blossom
An infinity scarf with a star print
Lady Gaga's meat dress
Dwight Schrute memes
A little poof of bangs secured with bobby pins and aerosol hairspray
Equal access to marriage
"Mad Men" rewatch
A pointless game show such as "Don't Forget the Lyrics"
I Can Has Cheezburger and cat content in general
George W. Bush giving an old-fashioned radio address to instill hope in the American people because it's better than nothing at the moment
Level 2 spray tan
Recession indicators I will not welcome:
High-risk subprime mortgages
Business blazers over bandage dresses at the club
The Black Eyed Peas
A particular style of brown ankle bootie with a half-inch heel and oval toe
Dubstep remixes of Papa Roach songs
An infinity scarf with a skull print
More Marvel Cinematic Universe and/or Transformers movies
Ponzi schemes
Multilevel marketing companies selling essential oils, purses or leggings
Outbreak of H1N1
"Charlie bit my finger"
Lindsay Lohan legal troubles (I just want her to be happy)
Sarah Palin impressions
The word "adorbs"
Windows 7
The comet Hale-Bopp and any associated cult activity
Dow Jones falling below 9,000
Level 3 spray tan
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Stephanie Hayes is a columnist at the Tampa Bay Times in Florida. Follow her at @stephhayes on X or @stephrhayes on Instagram.
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Copyright 2025 Creators Syndicate Inc.
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