ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We live in an era where the social fabric has thinned significantly. The clubs, civic organizations and community events that once brought our forefathers together are largely fading away. Opportunities for natural socialization have plummeted across the country, leaving many of us more isolated than generations past.

In this new landscape, the reality is that we can often truly depend only on our families and ourselves. When a mother hosts her own daughter's bridal shower today, it is rarely out of vanity. Rather, it is often a resilient effort to gather scattered loved ones and create community where it no longer exists naturally. I hope we might view this not as a breach of taste, but as a necessary adaptation to keep our connections alive.

GENTLE READER: Agreed that the social fabric has thinned, and also that it is an excellent idea to gather people one cares about to, as you put it, recreate community.

Miss Manners only wonders why one should wait to do so on an occasion on which presents for one's daughter are expected.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was growing up, it wasn't unusual to see a woman lunching alone at a restaurant, all decked out in hat and gloves. As more women entered the workforce and began traveling for business, they would often have dinner alone in nicer restaurants.

In fact, I remember being warned not to accept being relegated to the back of the restaurant or to a table near the kitchen. My peers and I were told to exert our right to sit where we liked.

Oddly, these days, when more and more women live independently, I never see a woman dining alone, except maybe in a coffee shop. I would like to begin doing so: My husband can no longer dine out due to health problems, and I get tired of the compromises required when dining with friends. I would be very happy to eat dinner alone at a restaurant of my choice, but I'm not much of a trailblazer.

I just can't help but wonder why this has gone so out of fashion.

GENTLE READER: When Miss Manners thinks of valiant women blazing trails, their tasks are more arduous and dangerous than eating in a restaurant. She fails to see why you don't simply do it.

One can easily speculate about why it seems rarer for women to dine out alone today: It could be a matter of time, now that most women are working, or of money, as restaurants tend to be expensive. It could be sociability, as your preference for eating alone is atypical.

It could also have to do with the availability of takeout.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A family member sent me a "happy anniversary" message; however, it was on the date of my first marriage, not my second (which has now lasted 30 years). She attended both weddings.

It kind of ruined my day, but I know she meant well.

What bothers me, though, is that when I politely reminded her of my actual anniversary date, she messaged back asking if I was sure about that, since she had a different date saved in her book.

Certainly, she should not have asked if I was sure about my own wedding date, correct? How should I have responded?

GENTLE READER: With, "Yes, I'm quite sure. So is my husband. We were both there, as you may remember."

Why the mistake should have ruined your day, Miss Manners cannot guess. But why were you not amused at this silly attempt to avoid admitting to a mistake?

========

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN