Shoulder To Shoulder At The Sugar Station
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sometimes get a coffee to go from a local shop, and I stop at the little station to add sugar, cream, etc. to my cup. As at most coffeeshops, this station is pretty small.
If someone is there, I usually ask something such as, "Would I be in your way if I reached for some sugar?" Other times I just wait for the person to leave, not wanting to crowd them. When it's my turn, however, people often barge in without a word, getting in my way.
I'm wondering what the rules are here. Should we wait for the person at the station to finish and leave? Should we ask if we can share the station? And what, if anything, should we say if someone crowds us out when we were there first?
Of course this is no big deal, but I'd like to have some guidance to assuage my annoyance and to avoid being an annoyance to others.
GENTLE READER: First, you must size up the situation -- not only the amount of room at the station, but also the pace of the coffee lover before you. If there is no hope of getting to your 9 a.m. meeting without sharing the space, ask politely if you are in the person's way, as you have done.
But if you are the one getting crowded, Miss Manners suggests you say, as you would for someone jostling your occupied bathroom stall, "I'll be just a minute." And then continue to add your cream and sugar.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My young adult daughter had plans to go out at about 7 a.m. with a friend. I was awake but in pajamas, making breakfast and tidying up.
When I turned around, the friend was right behind me, looking for my daughter. I asked her if someone had let her in, and she said no, the door was open.
I said I'd go get my daughter, but please not to enter without being let in next time. I told her she could wait in the living room, but she apparently was embarrassed and went to wait in the car. (My daughter had overslept.)
My daughter and the friend left, but my daughter sent me a text saying that the friend had done this because it was early and she hadn't wanted to wake anybody.
This has been a friend for 10 years, so I know her well. This whole friend group has a habit of going inside and outside, backyard to bathroom, when they come over, and I have no problem with that.
My other daughter said she also walks into her friends' homes without knocking, which appalls me. I think it is rude, and in some contexts, dangerous. What if you are mistaken for an intruder?
GENTLE READER: Why not lock the door?
For the general principle, however, Miss Manners agrees that you should keep telling your daughters to knock before entering someone's home, and that you would prefer her friends do the same.
Emphasizing the threat of a mistaken intruder should scare everyone into submission. Which leads us back to the question: Why are you not routinely locking your door?
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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