Nothing Wrong With A Polite, 'are You Done With This?'
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I visit my local gym multiple times a week to do cardio and strength training. It's not uncommon for members to use their mobile phones as part of their regimen to access workout routines or to time their activities.
However, many members will complete a short set of exercises on the machines, then stay on the machine or bench while looking at their phones for long periods of time -- often 10 minutes or more. It's clear they are texting, answering emails or watching non-fitness-related videos.
It's a small gym with a limited number of machines, and the pace at which you complete your sets is fairly important to optimizing your routine.
If someone has been monopolizing a machine in this way, I politely ask if they are finished, and they usually take the hint and move on. On occasion, I get a scowl or a nasty look in response, but they do move on.
Is there a more a more appropriate way to move them along? Normal gym etiquette is to refrain from taking up time on machines when the place is busy.
GENTLE READER: Keep doing what you are doing. Miss Manners only adds that if you want a proper response to those who scowl, it is "Thank you."
If done without sarcasm, this can be more satisfying than a rude retort, as these days, the refusal to sulk or escalate is itself noticeable -- and you can congratulate yourself for having done the right thing.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When making small talk with people I have just met, I'm often confronted with the uncomfortable choice between lying to them or having the conversation head into territory that is too deep for my comfort.
Here's the situation: An acquaintance asks where I grew up and what brought me to where I now live. My answer is "college," which by location they are aware is a very well-known and respected school. The acquaintance then assumes that I finished at said college and continues singing its praises, and mine.
This makes me uncomfortable because while I was accepted and attended a few years, I finished my degree at a different school across the country for personal reasons. This information then results in some discomfort on both our parts, and the potential for a lot more explanation about my life than an acquaintance needs.
How can I better handle this question that seems so innocent, but always spirals out of my comfort zone?
GENTLE READER: Unless you consider it a lie to omit giving a detailed medical history to someone you just met, Miss Manners does not see the problem.
In other words, let us not get caught up in a sin of omission. The conversations run astray because you admit to having started at the famous college. And you did. Nobody is asking to see your diploma.
========
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
Comments