Underappreciated Resident Assistant Wants To Quit
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a resident assistant in my last year of college. During my time in my university's residential life department, I have seen many changes that have negatively impacted their residential staff and made it harder for us to form genuine connections with our residents. Our opinions are often overlooked as inexperienced even though we are the closest to the resident students. Over the course of a year, I've had several run-ins with my supervisors that have ended in heated exchanges.
Since this is my last year in college, I would prefer to step away from this position and enjoy the time I have left; however, many people are advising me against that. The benefits that come with being an R.A. are financially helpful, but I do not think I deserve to endure workplace mistreatment for any dollar amount. Should I resign to protect my peace of mind or push through for the monetary benefit? -- Help the R.A.
DEAR HELP THE R.A.: I recommend that you stay, primarily so that you can practice dealing with difficult people. In the working world, this happens more than you will want to be true. The best thing you can do is learn how to stand up for yourself, how to remain silent, how to do the best you can in a hostile situation and so forth.
Do your best to keep a cool head. Think about the students for whom you are responsible. How can you stand up for them and be heard? Perhaps writing up weekly reports that point out concerns and include recommendations for improvement? When dealing with supervisors, stay calm -- even when they aren't. Stick to your points, and if there is a senior supervisor, report to that person when you are at an impasse.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine dresses inappropriately in front of my husband. Honestly, I am not bothered by her clothing; it's more of a time-and-place sort of thing. In the past, my girlfriends and I have all worn skirts that are a bit too short or tops that are more sheer than expected. I just thought that, as we got older and more of our friend group found ourselves in serious relationships, the attire would mature on its own.
I don't want to dictate what anyone wears, but there is a particular friend who still wears revealing clothing in intimate settings with my husband and other friends' long-term partners. I mean, she comes over to my house to catch up for dinner and a movie, and she's in a low-cut, tight top with no bra and a miniskirt. If we were headed to the club, I'd have no grievances, but you don't show up to a man's house that way unless you're dating him. I realize how old-school I sound, but it's been bothering me. How can I talk to my girlfriend about this without trying to limit her completely? -- What To Wear
DEAR WHAT TO WEAR: Just be direct. You can lace it with humor. "Girl, please stop wearing club clothes to my house!" In private, just ask her to dress more modestly when she comes to your house. You can admit that you are old-school, but you find her provocative attire unsettling in an intimate home setting. Get ready for backlash, but it is OK for you to make requests in your home.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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