Sober Friend Feeling Pressure To Drink
DEAR HARRIETTE: I've recently gone sober for health reasons, and it wasn't an easy decision, especially because my social life has always involved going out for drinks, celebrating with cocktails and bonding over happy hour. When my friends and I went out last weekend, they were pressuring me to drink. I ordered a mocktail, and almost immediately, my friends started to laugh and said that it would be fine to just have one drink. This surprised me because I never thought that my friends would try to force me to do something that would actively have a negative effect on my health. It made me feel unsupported and, frankly, disrespected. At the same time, I don't want to lose my friendships or isolate myself socially just because I'm choosing not to drink. Now I'm anxious about future outings. I don't want every dinner or celebration to turn into a debate about my personal choices. How should I talk to my friends about setting boundaries without making things awkward? -- Sober
DEAR SOBER: You may want to speak to each friend individually so that you can have a whole conversation. Remind them that you have a health concern that precludes you from drinking, but it does not mean you can't hang out with them. Point out that this lifestyle change isn't easy for you, and you would appreciate their support rather than their ridicule. Know that sober living is a popular choice these days, and fancy mocktails are trending. Have fun with your drink choices rather than hiding them. Your attitude may convince others to try what you're sipping.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend started a new fully remote job last month, but she told me that she has no intention of working the full 40-hour work week. She said that the company is known to be disorganized, and supervision from bosses is minimal so she can get away with doing the bare minimum and sometimes even nothing at all. I don't know if I want to be friends with someone who is intentionally misleading their employer by collecting her salary but not doing any work. She rationalizes it by saying corporations don't care about employees anyway, so she doesn't owe them loyalty. What's bothering me most is that she keeps trying to convince me to do the same at my job. She says I'm naive for working as hard as I do and that I could be making extra money on the side if I stopped being so "by the book." I take pride in my work and my integrity, so hearing her frame honesty as foolishness has really unsettled me. Is it my place to say something about this? Or should I accept that her choices are her business and simply draw a boundary around my own behavior? -- Unethical
DEAR UNETHICAL: Be clear with your friend that her desire to cheat her job bothers you. Ask her not to talk to you about it, because it runs contrary to your fundamental beliefs about integrity and honesty. Keep your distance.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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