ArcaMax

Q: What if you have no family and few friends? And you're ill and in pain and only death will end it? And you'd rather leave what money you have to various charities then use it up paying for care that may prolong life but won't cure or even reduce pain, but keep one around increasingly unable to do self-care, etc.? – (From S)

A: Dear, troubled S, the value of your life does not come from what you give but who you are. You are a precious person made in the image of God. You are also able to do some act of kindness every single day for another holy person. Depriving the world of your presence is like wiping out one of the colors of the rainbow. You are ill but you are loved. You are in pain but you are not alone. I am telling you that God is not through with you here. Wake up tomorrow and do something compassionate in this wounded world. Making donations to charity are so much less important than making a donation of your kindness, Don’t despair. Don’t give up. God is watching you.

Q: THANK YOU for your excellent words to the person contemplating suicide. I am a survivor of other people's suicides (and attempted suicides)13 times. That includes relatives (father and grandparents on both sides), close friends (college roommate, college adviser), work colleagues and people from church. I can attest to the pain, anger and sheer anguish those left behind contend with on a daily basis. (In the aftermath of my father's death, I wrestled with the conflicting rage at the person who murdered my father and the guilt over the rage because the person who did the act was my father, whom I loved.) Professionals in the field have cautioned that children of suicides are at higher risk of suicide themselves because the action of the parent acts as sort of a permission (e.g., my father chose this route, so it's OK for me as well). After many deep struggles and professional help, I finally found a place of peace. I have come to look at life and its difficulties as a series of tests, with suicide being a form of cheating on that test. My father still had things to teach me in his later years while facing the hard tests of life, and one of those was how to face death. The person who wrote you still has lessons to teach, whether they realize it or not, and I will pray for them as well. Thank you again for your shared wisdom. Kindest regards. – (From P in North Carolina)

A: Thank you and God bless you, dear P. Your painful wisdom is important to us all. You remind us of the most important fact about suicide. It deprives you of the opportunity to learn from it and grow from it and heal from it. Suicide steals from us more than our life. Suicide steals from the opportunity to change our minds and learn and grow and pass the life tests you refer to in your heartbreaking reflection on suicide. We don’t think of ourselves as teachers and yet we teach others by our life’s example every single day.

I often think that one of the contributing factors leading to suicide is that we are crushed by seeking the wrong things. We overlook what we possess because we frantically pursue what we think we lack. What if the truth is as it was understood centuries ago by Lao Tzu:

“Be content with what you have

Rejoice in the way things are

When you realize there is nothing lacking

The whole world belongs to you.”

Or perhaps the truth was perfectly rendered by an anonymous Confederate soldier:

“I asked God for strength, that I might achieve;

I was made weak, that I might learn to humbly obey.

I asked for health, that I might do greater things;

I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.

I asked for riches, that I might be happy;

I was given poverty, that I might be wise.

I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men;

I was given weakness, that I might feel the need for God.

I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life;

I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I had hoped for.

Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.

I am, among all, most richly blessed.”

Let us pray that we all come in gratitude and joy to what is already in our life.

(Send ALL QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS to The God Squad via email at godsquadquestion@aol.com. Rabbi Gellman is the author of several books, including “Religion for Dummies,” co-written with Fr. Tom Hartman. Also, the new God Squad podcast is now available.)

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