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Q: Is it too much to ask for a simple existence without pain and struggles? I don't want much -- just a comfortable life. I work hard and want to enjoy the fruits of my labor without hassle.

Jim: Especially here in America, we enjoy a greater level of comfort than any other generation in history. But all that luxury comes at a high cost -- and I'm not just talking about dollars and cents. I'm talking about wisdom. Technology has made our lives so easy that we're actually losing it.

Comfort and leisure have become our highest pursuits in life. We chase them relentlessly, and we desperately cling to them once we get them. We'll do anything to avoid discomfort. And that's the problem. You see, past generations knew something that we're forgetting: Wisdom is more important than short-term comfort.

Consider the most popular collection of wisdom in history: the biblical Book of Proverbs. It was written by a culture that believed wisdom -- not money, not luxury, not comfort -- was the highest pursuit in life. The Proverbs repeatedly tell us that wisdom usually requires at least a little pain. The path from here to there is never a straight line. You make decisions -- you get stuff wrong. Hopefully, you learn from your mistakes and do better next time.

The trouble is that we want wisdom, but we don't want pain. I like nice things as much as anybody. But I don't want my desire for comfort to overshadow my desire to do what's right. That's how you build a better marriage, become a better parent or make better career choices. You live with the courage to do what's right.

So, yes, enjoy your comfort -- but don't run from challenge and even difficulty. There's wisdom to be found there.

Q: I love my four-year-old dearly. But she's constantly tugging on my sleeves for attention. I'm getting weary of this happening all the time. What can I do?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert with more than 40 years of research experience, refers to these small efforts to get relational attention as "bids for connection." They can be good and special. But sometimes, these bids come at inconvenient times and can wear at our patience.

Bids for connection aren't always easy to catch, even if you're looking for them. A few examples:

-- A little girl grabbing her father's hand

-- A boy tugging at his mom while she's on the phone

-- A child wanting to help even though it actually creates more work for the parent

We need to notice these bids and have an appropriate response. You can teach your child how to bid for your attention successfully and with good timing. It's okay to tell her "not right now," and specify when would be a better time. Be gentle in teaching her how to accept this, though; shaming or yelling are obviously not good responses.

Likewise, understand that if the answer is always "no" because you're involved in other things, these bids may decrease and even disappear altogether. In order to maintain relationship, take time yourself to bid for your child's attention in ways she loves to connect. This will help her feel noticed and valued.

There are probably countless things clamoring for your attention, including work, bills, chores, social media and entertainment. When possible and appropriate, set these aside to connect with your child. Strategize as a family about how to notice bids for connection, and respond to each other's bids in respectful, meaningful and effective ways.

You can find many more tips and tools for moms and dads at FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2025 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.