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Q: I generally try to avoid conflict, especially with my spouse. But we still occasionally argue. That worries me; is it a sign that our relationship is struggling more than we know?

Jim: The presence of conflict doesn't necessarily mean a relationship is in dire straits. In fact, certain types of back-and-forth can actually be an indicator that a relationship is strong.

For example, friction can (and often does) occur when two people are close. Married couples know one another inside and out, so it's fairly common for them to rub each other the wrong way. Sure, that dynamic has the potential to create problems -- but it also shows there's an intimate bond. And that's a good thing.

Spouses also argue because they're both thinking, opinionated adults. They know what they like, what they believe and what they want. Again, that can create challenges -- but when properly handled, it's a key ingredient in the recipe for a solid marriage.

Finally -- and importantly -- spouses often experience conflict because they really love each other. Each partner genuinely cares about what the other does and says. This may lead to some heated exchanges, but they should be motivated by wanting the best for your mate.

Every human relationship is susceptible to conflict, especially one as close as marriage. And obviously, conflict can become destructive if it's allowed to progress unchecked. That's why it's critical to learn how to handle conflict in a healthy way, so you're building up your relationship rather than tearing it down.

My colleague, Dr. Greg Smalley, has done some great work in this area. Greg and his wife, Erin, wrote a very helpful book called "Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage"; I highly recommend it. You can find that book and many other resources at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My 14-year-old daughter told me about a really violent video that unexpectedly popped up in her Instagram feed. She's very upset. What can I do?

Paul Asay, Director, Plugged In: I'm so sorry your daughter had to be part of this disturbing but all-too-common problem. Early this year, Meta (the parent company behind Instagram and Facebook) apologized to its users after some were shown graphic reels mistakenly "recommended" for them. And this fall, tons of social media users were shocked when videos of horrific actual murders showed up in their feeds.

But let's touch on the positive: Your daughter told you about it. Sometimes, children don't talk about these uncomfortable events with their parents. They keep silent, and it's up to moms and dads to look for warning signs (increased anxiety, mood swings, trouble sleeping) and gently ask the right questions. The fact that your daughter came to you gives you something to build on.

So, continue the conversation. Ask her about what she saw and why it bothered her. Allow her to drive the conversation: She may want to verbally process the video multiple times; that's absolutely fine. The repetition can help take the shock out of the moment and turn it into a less intense story. Reassure your daughter that she is safe, and let her know that you'll always be available to process more if she needs it.

The next step: Turn off the autoplay feature on Instagram. Most social media services allow you to disable autoplay, but each has its own trick. Go to PluggedIn.com and scroll down the page to the "Tutorials" menu bar.

Finally, if you haven't done so, institute some common-sense limits on your daughter's screen use. Many experts recommend waiting as long as you can before giving your child a phone. If they already have one, make sure to institute plenty of screen-free time in your home.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2025 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.