I was puzzled when the husband announced he was going to burp the house. I asked if he thought it would need a diaper change, too.

“You know, burp the house,” he said with an air of disbelief.

I didn’t know. I couldn’t get my head around patting a two-story house on the back.

He said burping a house is based on the German practice of “lüften” where you open all the windows, so cross ventilation lets the inside air escape and the outside air enter.

It sounded like spring cleaning – or what I do after we’ve had fish for dinner. He said when you air out a house in the winter, it’s called burping.

He was surprised I had not heard about burping a house. I was surprised he had heard about it. He’s not exactly what you’d call a domestic by nature.

When we were dating, he invited me over for dinner, but all the dishes were dirty and piled in the kitchen sink. He’s come a long way, but still. Who was this man? How and when had German domestics infiltrated his head?

I nonchalantly pointed out that the ground was covered in 10 inches of snow and the outside temperature was 5 degrees.

“Even better,” he said. “The furnace has been running and running and who knows what we’re breathing. Burping the house releases trapped, moist air from cooking, showering and breathing. It also reduces condensation and prevents mold growth.”

I married an infomercial.

He threw open all the windows. The warm air was sucked out of the house and bitter Arctic air blasted in. I grabbed my coat, scarf, gloves and the book I’d been reading and dashed into the utility closet to stand next to my new BFF — the furnace.

I saw the husband shoot back and forth from one side of the house to the other a few times, monitoring air flow. “It’s getting awfully cold in here,” I shouted. “Are we about finished burping?”

“Not yet!” he said. “Two more minutes to go on the timer.” It was a timed burp. Perhaps one times burps in adolescence, but here? Now? Us?

“I’m going upstairs, where it’s warmer,” I shouted over the roaring furnace.

“Fine,” he said, “but I’m burping the upstairs next.”

The man was showing a domestic side that has been hidden for many years. I liked it. Only a fool would resist.

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