ArcaMax

A chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingenious ways to open the can.

Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener ..."

Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead? In reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive.

Nothing seemed to work.

Finally the doctor tried one last ...Read more

SOCIALISM You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for ...Read more

After one of the machines at work suddenly went on the fritz, our boss called the repair service and asked to speak to the manager, Ahmed.

"Hello, Ed speaking. How can I help you?" said the guy who answered the phone.

"Sorry," said my boss. "I was looking for Ahmed."

"This is Ahmed," came the reply. "How can I help you?"

"I thought ...Read more

"I asked this one girl out and she said, 'You got a friend?' I said yes, she said, 'Then go out with him'" --Dom Irrera

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"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers." --Joseph Blosephina

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"I have a detached retina. Actually, it's not detached. It's more emotionally unavailable." --...Read more

As I was settling into bed one night, I happened to catch my husband out of the corner of my eye.

He was getting on the scale.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I yelled at him. He jerked his head around and looked at me with alarm.

"What? I'm weighing myself."

I jumped out of bed and yanked him off the scale.

"You can't do that now!!" I said ...Read more

A state trooper pulls over a car on a lonely back road and approaches the driver. "Sir, is there a reason you're weaving all over the road?"

The driver replies, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me...Read more

Back in the days of the Roman Empire, the famous Emperor Nero instituted a new game. The players would take those little disks you set your glass on in order to protect the furniture, and see who could get the most distance rolling them across the floor.

They were the first roller coasters.

Back in those days, the disks were made of iron...Read more

This consultant is working on a Web development project for a client, and he's also got a nontechnical intern to keep busy. Fortunately, that's a solution, not a problem.

"Part of the project included setting up about 150 user accounts for the client's customers to log in to a secure portion of the site and download their reports," says the ...Read more

remonstrant \reh-MAHN-strehnt\ (adjective) - In a state of vigorously objecting to, earnestly aggrieved by or opposed to something.

"The remonstrant set of Russel's jaw convinced Andre that she could never persuade him to give her the remote control for the TV."

From Medieval Latin remonstrare, "to demonstrate." The Latin monstrare "to show" ...Read more