ArcaMax

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.

Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.

The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the ...Read more

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner.

"Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"

"Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Norwegian.

The ...Read more

There was once a hillbilly who was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of him. He decided to do something about it. He sat back and thought about it.

Suddenly he thought - "I have never seen anyone making fun of Italians. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am a hillbilly and ...Read more

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hollowed be thy drink.
I will be drunk,
At home as in the travern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangerovers.
For thine is ...Read more

I was in mid-eyelash when I heard a knock on the door.

"Can I use the bathroom?" my husband asked through the door.

"No." I replied.

"No?"

"No."

"Why?" he wondered aloud.

"I'm putting on my mascara, and I'm mid-eyelash. You can't interrupt me in the middle of the process."

"Why?"

"It'll mess the whole thing up. The mascara will dry, ...Read more

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."

Next day he received a hundred letters.They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."

"What's the problem?" the docotor inquired.

"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need ...Read more

Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."

Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"

Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."