ArcaMax

The old adage that "It takes a thief to catch a thief" may indeed be true.

But these days there's a 3rd thief involved pleading the case -- the lawyer.

There where 2 men in a bulding site.

1 of them said "can you help me find my ear"

The other man said "is this it"

The other man said "no, mine has got a pencil behind it"

Knock, knock

Who's there?

You ever hear the joke about the broken pencil?

You ever hear the joke about the broken pencil who?

Nevermind, it's pointless.

Q: Why does it get hot after baseball game?

A: Because all the fans leave!

When I went for oral surgery last winter, the doctor told me he could only do one half of my mouth that day or I wouldn't be able to eat for two weeks. Considering it would soon be bathing suit season, I didn't think that was necessarily a bad thing. But he convinced me otherwise and told me that if I was really gung ho to get it all done, I ...Read more

Jimmy: 'Hey, Mike! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.'

Mike: 'To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.'

Jimmy: 'What? Let me get this straight... You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like ...Read more

A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash.

Behind her were 200 women walking single file.

...Read more

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."

"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."

"I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother leaned over and ...Read more

1. Dial 911 immediately.

2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.

3. You mean there's something else to do?

4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.

5. Work.

6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.

7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.

The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had ...Read more