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The Birth Order, Part I
Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother ...Read more
Important Q and A's
Kids Answers to those important questions
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. --Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they Grow up who they're going to marry. God ...Read more
Jerry Zezima: Seeing is believing
For a double-visionary like me, the daily dilemma is not whether I can’t find my eyeglasses, in which case I would need a pair in order to find them, but why I forgot to bring them upstairs so I can see well enough to write drivel like this.
Until a few months ago, the only glasses I needed were the kind that hold beer or wine. Then I ...Read more
New Hearing Aid
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really ...Read more
Vow of Silence
At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of silence. This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence.
One Christmas, Brother Thomas had his turn to speak and said, "I love the delightful mashed potatoes we have every year with the Christmas roast!"...Read more
Seventeenth Chapter
A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.
"Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark."
The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have ...Read more
Rest Home
Aunt Mary, a spinster of 92, had finally consented to go to a rest home, but strictly on a two-week-trial basis. Consequently, she took a small overnight case with only the bare essentials.
A couple of days later her niece was surprised to get a phone call from her demanding more clothes.
"Please bring me that good black silk, my lavender ...Read more
Cuff Links
During his freshman year, my son Steve couldn't get home for Christmas. So he sent me a set of inexpensive cuff links and a note reading: "Dear Dad, This is not much, but it's all you could afford."
Pete Townshend "Let My Love Open The Door" - The Late Show's Commercial Breakdown
Rock legend Pete Townshend lights up the bandstand alongside Louis Cato & The Late Show Band for a special #CommercialBreakdown rendition of The Who's classic, "Let My Love Open The Door."
Jim Gaffigan: Live from Old Forester — The Bourbon Set (FULL SHOW 2025)
Jim Gaffigan presents, Live from Old Forester: The Bourbon Set. Full Show 2025.
Marlon Brando Once Quoted 48 Hrs. Back to Eddie Murphy During Dinner
Eddie Murphy talks about getting starstruck by Muhammad Ali, having dinner with Marlon Brando and Paul McCartney playing "Strawberry Fields Forever" on the piano for him.
Jeff Goldblum Says Wicked: For Good Is Noble, Uplifting and Delicious
Jeff Goldblum talks about becoming a fashion icon, performing on stage alongside Cynthia Erivo for Wicked: One Wonderful Night and starring in Wicked: For Good.
Robin Williams Helps Matt Damon with His Monologue
Jimmy Kimmel Live - Robin Williams Helps Matt Damon with His Monologue
John Cleese: "This Is The Stupidest Show" | David Letterman
Upon the release of the film A Fish Called Wanda, John Cleese was a guest. I found the interview utterly hilarious, a fine piece of comedy. However, it was taken down from Youtube some years ago and it hasn't resurfaced since. It would be a great pleasure if you could upload the full interview.
New State Slogans, part 7
... continued from above
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
Continued ...Read more
Stagecoach Surprise
I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right.
The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps onto the...Read more
Slow Down
One day a policeman stopped a motorist who had just gone through a four way stop sign and was about to give him a ticket when the motorist said. "Officer you can't give me a ticket for that!'
"Why not" said the officer.
"Because although I did not stop I slowed right down and its almost the same."
"But you did not stop" replied the officer, "...Read more
Quick Quotes
"You know, I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon." --Ellen DeGeneres
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"My dad, he's a nuclear physicist, my mom, she's a mathematician, my brother is a chemical engineer--and I like to color." --Shashi Bhatia
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"The flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone ...Read more
Will Licking Ruin the Friendship?
I almost never check work email on a Saturday, but I must have known deep down that a sitcom script had just landed. Picture me opening "Holiday Pet Peeve Public Service Announcement" over coffee and becoming glued to my phone like I was watching John McClane save Nakatomi Plaza.
A reader wrote in about his friends and their icky habit. The ...Read more
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