ArcaMax

Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the Emcee that he desired a question on American History.

The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. ...Read more

An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station. The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA.

Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!"

Officer says "Yes."

Little Boy asks "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture.

Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however.

She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached? I wanted scrambled!"

Undaunted,...Read more

A pickpocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes.

The judge said, "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100."

The lawyer stood up and said, "Thank you, your honor. My client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd..."

"The squirrels ate my pumpkins," I moaned to my husband.

"Is that a secret code for something?" he wondered aloud.

"NO! I had a whole bunch of pumpkins on the front stoop, and the squirrels massacred them. Look!"

I pointed out the window to our front lawn. There lay three pumpkins ... or what was left of them. They were strewn about the ...Read more

- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

- Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

- The more of it you put up with, the more of it you're going to get.

- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning ...Read more

An atheist professor was teaching a college class at Alabama and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!" Ten minutes went by.

He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting." He got down to the ...Read more

After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite.

Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed. "But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room ...Read more

For your entertainment, actual similes and metaphors found by high school English teachers from across the country in their student's essays.

- Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

- His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances, like underpants in a dryer ...Read more

A stewardess was getting very annoyed by 3 little children on the plane. They had been bugging her since take-off, complaining that they were hungry or bored or tired or thirsty or needed to go to the bathroom and whatever else you could imagine a small child commenting and complaining about.

Well, the stewardess had had enough. The next time ...Read more