An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

The bartender turns to them, takes one look, and says "What is this - some kind of a joke?"

What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile?

"Robin get into the Batmobile."

A lady walks into a building and says to the clerk, " I'd like a cheeseburger, a drink, and fries."

The clerk says, "This is a library."

Then the lady whispers, "Sorry, I'd like a cheeseburger, a drink and fries.

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve soda's and starts drinking them as fast as he can.

The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."

The bartender says, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cents."

"How disgusting is this? here it is folks, this is the end of the world. A restaurant in Decatur, Georgia is now serving a double bacon cheeseburger that is served between two Krispy Kreme doughnuts. We are now officially ancient Rome. This is the end of our civilization as we know it. In fact, they don't know how many calories are in the ...Read more

Theorem: All numbers are equal. Proof: Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b. Then

a + b = t
(a + b)(a - b) = t(a - b)
a^2 - b^2 = ta - tb
a^2 - ta = b^2 - tb
a^2 - ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 - tb + (t^2)/4
(a - t/2)^2 = (b - t/2)^2
a - t/2 = b - t/2
a = b

So all numbers are the same, and math is ...Read more

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets ...Read more

I have OC/DC. It's just like OCD except it frickin' rocks.

I'd like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought:

"Those guys are hiding something delicious in there I know it."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again.

This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his ...Read more