A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man; that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must ...Read more

- Paradox, New York
- Crapo, Maryland
- Boogertown, North Carolina
- Spasticville, Kansas
- Hellhole, Idaho
- Purgatory, Maine
- Girdletree, Maryland
- Rabbithash, Kentucky

When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."

"Your mother's side or your father's?" I asked.

"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."

"Oh, come now," I said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"

He sighed. "You ...Read more

The orthopaedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, and had fastened the seatbelt around it to stop it falling over. I hadn't considered the drive across town.

At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me ...Read more

"What insight could you possibly hope to gain from a man whose I.Q. wouldn't make a respectable earthquake?" --Diane Chambers (Shelley Long), CHEERS

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"They have luggage stores in airports. Who forgets their suitcase? Have you ever seen a guy with an armload of shirts going, 'Hurray, a suitcase?'" --Jay Mohr

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"The whole reason ...Read more

One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.

The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know."

The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a...Read more

In the traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a young woman was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket she received for driving through a red light. She explained to the judge that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time.

A wild gleam came into the judge's eyes....Read more

A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson & music books.

Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and thru the front door. "Oh ...Read more

A man was driving along a rural road when he realized he had to make a phone call. He was miles from a pay phone so he decided to stop in at the next farmhouse he found. As he was approaching a house he noticed a three-legged chicken racing along the road. He followed the chicken and clocked it at 45 miles per hour.

When the man got to the ...Read more

* The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.

* The Ten Commandments would actually be only five; double spaced and written in large font.

* A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.

* Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.

* Paul's letter to the...Read more

A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer's garden. "I'll give you my two pennies for that tomato," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine.

"No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one."

The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies ...Read more

- It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail.

- It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.

- Seven or more Indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them.

- In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish...Read more

A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding.

Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was.

"I think you've...Read more

The sixth day after Christmas
The six laying geese wouldn't lay
So I sent the whole darn gaggle to the
A.S.P.C.A.

On the seventh day, what a mess I found
The seven swans-a-swimming all had drowned
My true love, my true love,
my true love gave to me.

My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better. Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away.

When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the ...Read more