Humor

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A Texas millionaire

Humor / Jokes /

A Texas millionaire had fallen ill. The doctors consulted did not seem to understand what ailed him. The millionaire let it be known that any doctor who could heal him could have whatever he desired.

A country doctor was finally able to cure him, and as the doctor was leaving after a week's stay, the Texan said, "Doc! I am a man of my word. You...Read more

Male assertiveness

Humor / Jokes /

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.

He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.

The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.

...Read more

The Less You Know, The More You Make

Humor / Jokes /

"Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People."

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.

As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time

Since:
Knowledge =...Read more

Caught Stealing

Humor / Jokes /

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than ...Read more

What! No E-mail?

Humor / Jokes /

An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning).

After the test, the manager says, "You will be employed at minimum wage. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to ...Read more

Women Drivers

Humor / Jokes /

I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane.

It ...Read more

Consultaton Fee

Humor / Jokes /

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the ...Read more

Where Did You Start?

Humor / Jokes /

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday.

He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62."

He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

Police House Calls

Humor / Jokes /

My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched to break up a domestic dispute. We spoke with the couple and the problem was quickly resolved.

On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their turn-of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was the front door.

Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in ...Read more

Guys Shopping

Humor / Jokes /

In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son.

As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child;

"You know, if we really mess this up, we'll never have to do it again."

Amber Ruffin Reveals How a Scandal Made Her a Choir Director at 11 Years Old

Humor / Jokes /

Amber Ruffin reads off a list of her pitches Seth said no to before talking about the premiere of her off-Broadway musical Bigfoot! and how a scandal at church sparked her interest in music.

Mark Ruffalo's New Crime Thriller Is "A Real Cat & Mouse" Game

Humor / Jokes /

Mark Ruffalo offers a sneak peek at the action in his new film where he plays a jewelry thief alongside co-stars Halle Berry and Chris Hemsworth.

The Muppet Show | Seth Rogen Chats With Kermit & Miss Piggy | Disney+

Humor / Jokes /

Executive Producer and guest star Seth Rogen, Kermit the Frog, and Miss Piggy reminisce about shooting “The Muppet Show,” their artistic process (even when there isn’t a process), and how to keep creative partnerships thriving.

A Fun Recipe With Jackfruit You Should Learn To Avoid Looking Like A Knuckle-Dragging Dirt Person

Humor / Jokes /

Food Editor Gillian Hess says that since so many people want to be seen buying jackfruit to avoid looking like they're moving to the hills to fuck rocks, you should be able to find the tree fruit at Whole Foods or a specialty market.

Jordan Klepper Went to the “Melania” Movie So You Don’t Have To | The Daily Show

Humor / Jokes /

With Amazon’s $40 million documentary about the first lady premiering at the Trump Kennedy Center, Jordan Klepper ventured to Washington, D.C., where he chatted with attendees about director Brett Ratner’s appearance in the Epstein files, whether the film’s purchase was a bribe, and why THIS is what our country should be focused on right ...Read more

"I've Never Said No" - Why John Oliver Has Been In So Many Late Show Sketches

Humor / Jokes /

Emmy-winner John Oliver celebrates his 22nd guest spot on The Late Show and volunteers to participate in his 25th sketch on the show. Keep watching for two more segments with John Oliver and watch the Season 13 premiere of "Last Week Tonight" on February 15th on HBO Max.

Late Show Home Shopping: Canceled Clearance Sale! with John Oliver

Humor / Jokes /

"Last Week Tonight" host John Oliver stops by to help Stephen Colbert raise some cash for World Central Kitchen by auctioning off one-of-a-kind pieces of television history ahead of the series finale of The Late Show. Learn more about what's up for grabs and help raise money for a great cause at http://colbertlateshow.com/ebay

The Viking Raid - SNL

Humor / Jokes /

Vikings (Alexander Skarsgård, Mikey Day, James Austin Johnson, Andrew Dismukes, Chloe Fineman, Ben Marshall) celebrate their victory.

Kermit the Frog STORMS OFF After Miss Piggy & Derek Hough Flirt Fest!

Humor / Jokes /

“Extra’s” Derek Hough sits down with the icons themselves, Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy, to talk about the brand new “The Muppet Show” special. But as Derek and Miss Piggy reminisced about dancing together and got a little flirty, Kermit had enough!

Beth Behrs Accidentally Grabbed Kat Dennings' Boob | CONAN on TBS

Humor / Jokes /

Beth was in the middle of dissing "DuckTales" when she accidentally got to second base with Kat.

 

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