"My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle."

"Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a ...Read More

The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time.

Their Pre-meeting ...Read More

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".

ELLEN: I is...

TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."

ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Teacher: I hope I didn't just see you looking at Harry's paper, Raymond!

Raymond: I hope so too, teacher!

In an upscale pet-supply store, a customer wanted to buy a red sweater for her dog. The clerk suggested that she bring her dog in for a proper fit.

"Oh, no, I can't do that!" the lady said.

"See, the sweater is going...Read More

... continued from above

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear." Really means...."Are you still talking?"

"It's a ...Read More