ArcaMax

Dear Eric: My son-in-law’s father does not seem to feel the need to trim his nose hair which is quite bushy and hangs out of his nose. Apparently, his wife has asked him to do something about this, but he chooses to ignore her and neither of his sons want to talk to him about it even though it bothers them too.

We host Thanksgiving at our house each year and, while I don’t particularly care for this couple, I have always invited them to join us. I do this to make things easier for my daughter, so she doesn’t have to trek to both our homes. I realize she could also alternate holidays, but to be honest, I would miss celebrating Thanksgiving with her and my son-in-law and grandkids, so I have just sucked it up each year and try not to get grossed out at the dinner table.

Is there an alternative solution I haven’t thought of? I’m assuming it would not be appropriate for me to make the request that he trim his nose hair before coming over

– Grossed Out

Dear Grossed Out: Often, we work through major and minor holiday conflicts and quibbles by reminding ourselves, “it’s only one day.” Sometimes that works. Other times… one day is too much. And, in a case like yours, it’s not just one day; it’s the cumulation of years of one days. In short, you’ve had your fill of nose hair.

Alas, short of changing the seating arrangements so that you’re never catching a glance at it, I think your hands are tied as long as he remains on the invitation list. This, like so many other aspects of people’s bodies, falls into the category of personal preference. It’s not endangering him or others. While nose hairs, in general, trap dirt and pollen, overly long nose hair can accumulate debris and cause problems if not properly maintained. But it sounds like that’s not the concern here.

If he’s unmoved by his wife and kids’ requests, I daresay that your ask will probably also go unanswered. You mentioned that you don’t really care for the couple anyway, so your energy may be better spent focusing on enjoying your grandkids, your daughter and your son-in-law..

Dear Eric: Regarding the letter writer who was giving a $100 gift card for patching up the injured friend of her daughter (“Mom of a Wild Child”). I was taught during Community Emergency Response Training that bystanders are protected under Good Samaritan laws if we voluntarily provide emergency assistance to others – they cannot be sued for anything they do or attempt to do. However, the Good Samaritan cannot accept any compensation whatsoever to be covered by the law. We were told not to accept a stick of gum or a nickel for our help, or we could potentially be sued for damages. I doubt this person would be sued by the grateful mom, but it is possible.

The $100 gift card should be returned.

– Good Samaritan

Dear Good Samaritan: Thank you for this insight. It will definitely help in the future when/if I want to express my gratitude. The letter below is also in response to this question and offers a lovely alternative to monetary gifts.

Dear Eric: I had to smile when I read your article about the Good Samaritan receiving $100 for helping an injured child. While growing up in the ‘40s and ’50s I lived on a single block long, dead-end street where we must have had at least 15 or 20 kids. Someone was always getting hurt, mostly scratches and bruises, but once in a while a broken bone. My mother, the only nurse on the block, was the local emergency room.

I don't believe she ever received money for her efforts, and I doubt if she would have accepted it, if offered.

Although she didn't reap the benefits of her work, I was the beneficiary. At her death I received a number of letters telling me how grateful they were for what she had done. She also was the den mother of a cub scout pack that was so popular that she had to restrict the number of kids. She ran a disciplined pack that included crafts, games and learning and not the typical baby-sitting den. I also received letters from mothers telling me what an influence she had had on their son's life. Talk about being rewarded. No amount of money could replace the thanks she received even though I was the beneficiary.

– Grateful Son

Dear Son: Thank you for sharing. And what a beautiful reminder to us all: it can be so impactful to tell those who mean something to us what they mean while they're alive, and it can be equally impactful to share those stories with those they leave behind.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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