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Dear Eric: My goddaughter is getting married in December. Her parents have experienced crushing financial loss through no fault of their own. So, I told my goddaughter I would contribute $500 to the wedding dress.

She picked out a dress without consulting me that cost nearly 10 times that much and sent me a picture of the receipts. After much back and forth she “heard” that I would pay for all of the dress.

Her mother got involved and it ended up a huge mess. After being pressured I sent $1,500 to the bridal shop and told the family because of the increased cost to my budget, I would not be traveling 17 hours to the wedding, staying in a hotel and sending a wedding gift.

Because of this my goddaughter isn’t speaking to me. When I inquired about a thank you note her mother shrugged it off. Should I just write off the experience and the relationships?

– Taken Advantage Of

Dear Advantage: In the new year, when the stress of the wedding has worn off, consider trying to reset things with your goddaughter’s parents. You might tell them, “it seems there was some miscommunication about the dress, and I don’t want that to get between us. Can you tell me what you thought I was going to do, so I can understand?” This might give you insight or it might give the same impression that the situation is giving now: that they’re being ungrateful and unreasonable. If it’s the latter, maybe this relationship has run its course. Either way, you’re owed a thank you.

Dear Eric: My husband has someone in his life who he thinks of as a daughter.

I am disabled, use a mobility device and need someone to bring a walker to my door for me to get out of the car. He had trained her to put the mobility device into/out of the car and she drove me a few times. One time she drove me, parked where I would have to get out on grass (which he had told her not to do). She brought the walker over to my door, took out my mobility device and waited.

I hesitated, but felt intimidated, and got out of the car. I fell and broke my leg.

She apologized to my husband for parking where she wasn't supposed to but has always refused to apologize to me since I had gotten out of the car.

Several months later she went on a vacation with my husband (I stayed behind because I was still recovering). When she came back, she ghosted me instead of helping like she said she would. When I got angry, she stormed out of our lives.

During the pandemic, she and my husband reconnected (although I had an agreement with my husband that any reconnection would start with me). They have since gotten together regularly.

I have refused any contact with her since she stormed out. I do not feel physically safe around her but my husband is pressuring me to go along.

His birthday is coming up, and he is insisting that she be included in his birthday dinner even though he knows how I feel about her.

What do I do?

– Unhelped

Dear Unhelped: Resolving this problem has to start with resolving the misalignment between you and your husband. It’s concerning that he’s insisting on parts of this relationship without, seemingly, considering your feelings. Though he considers this person a daughter, that doesn’t supersede your relationship with him and your needs.

So, the first thing I’d do is have a “what’s going on?” conversation. In a calm moment, express the reservations you have about your own relationship with the friend and ask him if he can see your point of view. Use phrases like “can you understand where I’m coming from?”

If he gets defensive, try to redirect him. “Right now, it would be helpful to hear that you hear me.” Then ask him where he’s coming from. Repeat back what you’re hearing. And then ask him if you can find a way to make it work together.

There are some flags around the relationship in general. I don’t know what color those flags are but from your telling they seem red. Regardless, he needs to acknowledge that you don’t have to accept any help that you don’t want. And, ideally, he’d acknowledge that this friend has some amends to make that she’s refusing to make.

The birthday dinner is just the tip of the iceberg. He’s already shown that he’s capable of making solo plans with this friend. If he wants to celebrate with her, he can do so at a different time than he’s celebrating with you. You don’t have to just grin and bear it.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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