ArcaMax

Dear Eric: We are friends with a disabled veteran who is despised and neglected by his family. Another friend drives him around so he can get out of the house and interact with other human beings.

I'm a professional artist and was exhibiting at an art/craft show this past weekend. The veteran and his friend came to enjoy the show, and to see me. I welcomed their friendship but had to tactfully ask them to sit a little more to the side, since they were blocking access to my display.

The hardest part is that the veteran does not take good care of himself. He has a very strong body odor which is hard to deal with. I know it was affecting potential clients.

What can I do without hurting this man's feelings? He has given so much and has no family support. What can I say or do? He really needs a bath and manicure to say the least. But I'm sure he is totally unaware. Please suggest a solution.

– Odor of a Friend

Dear Friend: I think that this issue with the art/craft show and any potential future shows is separate from the concern about your friend’s cleanliness.

With regard to his presence at shows, in the future, be clear in advance about where guests can sit – if anywhere. It’s nice that they came to see and support you, but you were at work and it’s fine to put a boundary around that so that you can focus on talking with potential customers. You might even say, “I’m sorry I can’t spend time with you now, but let’s catch up later.”

With regard to the smell, I think there’s a way of talking to him about it gently but directly. It may bruise his ego but if you couch it in genuine concern, his feelings will recover. You write that he needs help getting out to see other people so it stands to reason that he may also need in-home help. You might tell him, “I care about you and I notice that sometimes there’s a smell. I don’t say that to hurt your feelings. It makes me concerned that you’re not getting the help you need. Are there other forms of support that would help you?”

He might need a home health aide; he might need help purchasing cleaning products. He might just need to know that someone cares about him.

Dear Eric: Several years ago, I was diagnosed with advanced cancer and had grueling treatment and surgeries for a long time. I didn’t ask much of friends and family during it all, which is my style.

Once I made it through, I invited people closest to me for a one-night getaway to celebrate, and I only asked those for whom travel would be a short car ride. I said the date could be mutually agreeable among everyone.

My lifelong best friend never replied to the initial invitation and a couple follow-ups. I told her how that hurt me, and she replied that she couldn’t make the time for it due to her responsibilities as a mom, which I wouldn’t understand because I’m single.

She has two older children and a capable husband and she doesn’t work. I have attended her bridal and baby showers, wedding weekend, kids’ parties, hosted her bachelorette party, et cetera. I am blown away by this response. I am inclined to put this “friendship” to bed, as she demonstrated it’s not important to her. Am I overreacting?

– Uncelebrated

Dear Uncelebrated: Congratulations on making it through. I know the journey was far from easy. Your friend’s response reads as pretty extreme in this context. It suggests there’s some other underlying resentment that’s prompted her to respond with a jab where no jab is necessary. It’s quite possible she really is overwhelmed by the responsibilities of her life, which is totally understandable and fair. But it’s simple enough to say that and send regrets.

There’s something else going on in this friendship. I don’t know what it is. It’s very reasonable for you to want to celebrate and thank your loved ones. But somewhere along the way the message of gratitude and goodwill got muddled.

You certainly can put this friendship to bed, but if you feel that there’s something to be salvaged – and, indeed, as a lifelong best friend, I would think there is – I suggest having a conversation to clear the air. You might say something like, “I think that we miscommunicated somewhere along the way and I’d like to reset with you.”

With these conversations, it’s good to share what comments or actions hurt in the past, but the focus should mostly be on figuring out where the misalignment is so that you can avoid similar situations in the future.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

©2026 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.