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Is Girlfriend's Snoozing a Wake-Up Call for Our Relationship?

Annie Lane on

Dear Annie: I've been with my girlfriend for 15 years. The first few years were wonderful -- no complaints. We worked together and spent a lot of time together, and everything felt great.

Then, out of nowhere, she started falling asleep -- bam! -- nodding off in social situations, especially when we were out with my parents or their friends. It was humiliating, almost as if she were on something. I looked into it -- no medical issues, no substance use. It only seemed to happen when she didn't want to be somewhere.

This has put me through a lot of embarrassment. I even asked her kids about it, and they just chuckled, like this was normal for her. I didn't grow up around this kind of behavior; it feels completely dysfunctional to me. There have been times I've had to kick her under the table to wake her up or just sit there, wanting to cry from the embarrassment.

I told her she needs counseling, and she is seeing a psychiatrist now, but how long does it take to see real change? I'm at my wits' end with her and these antics. I'm also starting to feel like she's trying to hurt me in other ways, too. -- Not a Sleeping Beauty

Dear Not Sleeping Beauty: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't force it to drink. Your girlfriend is seeing a psychiatrist, but if she's not truly committed to change, nothing will improve. If this behavior is her way of avoiding situations she doesn't like, then counseling won't help unless she acknowledges the issue and wants to fix it.

Ask yourself the question: How much longer are you willing to wait? You can't spend your life kicking someone under the table and hoping they'll wake up, both literally and figuratively. If she won't make the effort, you have a choice to make: accept things as they are or move on to a relationship where you're respected, not embarrassed.

Dear Annie: I'm finding myself caught in the middle of life's constant changes, and it feels like no one else is immune to this struggle. At 28, I'm grappling with the uncertainty of my first real job and the transition from carefree college days to serious adulthood. My best friend, now in her mid-40s, is juggling career changes and the evolving dynamics of her family. And even my grandmother, in her 80s, is exploring new hobbies and relationships that she never imagined at her age.

 

It seems every generation in my family is facing its own set of transitions, and I can't help but wonder: How do we hold onto the parts of ourselves that define us while embracing change? Is there a way to honor our past and the experiences that have made us who we are, without feeling overwhelmed by the future?

I'm hoping for some advice that speaks to all of us -- whether we're just starting out, in the thick of midlife or enjoying our golden years -- on how to find balance and meaning amid the inevitable shifts of life. -- Seeker in Transition

Dear Seeker in Transition: Thank you for writing. Life is a series of changes -- whether it's starting your first job, watching a friend reinvent herself or seeing your grandmother explore new adventures. Hold on to the values and memories that define you; they are the foundation for your future. It's natural to feel overwhelmed at times. Change is really the only constant of life, and the sooner we embrace that, the happier we will be.

In order to relish each season that you or your loved ones are in, keep a journal to capture your feelings, celebrate every small victory and share your journey with those who relate. Remember, change doesn't diminish your worth; it simply offers a chance to grow. You're not alone in this journey.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.


 

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