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Dear Annie: My mom and I read your column every day, and we always find your advice thoughtful and compassionate. Lately, I've been thinking about something I witnessed years ago while working in a shelter for abused women. It's stayed with me -- the way emotional abuse often begins so subtly, with little comments that chip away at someone's confidence, slowly isolating them from family and friends until they feel completely dependent and alone.

I worry my mom might be in a situation like that. She brushes things off -- her boyfriend's temper, his criticisms -- but I see signs that remind me of what I saw back then. She seems nervous, like she's always trying to keep the peace, and she doesn't spend time with people she used to be close to.

My question is ... how do you know when it's emotional abuse? When it's not loud or obvious, how do you tell the difference between a difficult relationship and something more dangerous? And how can I help her if she doesn't see it -- or isn't ready to? -- Worried Daughter

Dear Worried: You sound like a wonderful daughter. Your mother is fortunate to have someone so loving and caring in her corner.

Emotional abuse can be incredibly difficult to recognize -- especially for the person living through it. While you don't see physical bruises, the victim suffers from a lifetime of emotional scars. The signs you described -- walking on eggshells, trying to keep the peace, pulling away from friends and family -- are all red flags. When someone is constantly criticized, belittled or made to feel small or uncertain, that is abuse.

You asked how to know when it crosses the line. Here's the truth: If your mom feels afraid, anxious, or like she can never do anything "right," that line has already been crossed.

You can't force your mother to see what she isn't ready to see, but you can be a consistent, loving presence. Let her know you're there for her, without judgment. Gently ask questions. Offer support, not ultimatums. And if you think she'd be open to it, you might share resources like the Power and Control Wheel or stories from others who've been through similar experiences. Sometimes a mirror held up by a stranger is easier to look into.

And finally: Trust your instincts. You saw this before in the women at the shelter. If your gut says something's wrong, something probably is. Encourage her to reach out to her local domestic violence hotline and seek help.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.