Feeling Like a Third Wheel
Dear Annie: I've been dating a wonderful man for five years, and for the most part, our relationship is strong and loving. We don't live together, so we typically see each other just a couple of times a week, with more time together when we go on vacation. That time feels precious to me. But lately, I've found myself increasingly frustrated, and I'm not sure how to bring it up without sounding jealous or petty.
The issue is his 30-year-old son, who calls or texts him constantly, even when we're on vacation. It's not about emergencies -- just frequent check-ins or casual conversations that end up interrupting our time together. I understand and respect the bond between a father and son, but I can't help feeling like a third wheel when we're supposed to be enjoying quality time as a couple.
I don't want to compete for attention, and I certainly don't want to damage their relationship. I just wish my partner could create some boundaries during our time together so we can stay focused on each other.
How can I bring this up in a way that's honest but kind, and without sounding like I'm being unreasonable? -- Feeling Overlooked
Dear Feeling Overlooked: You are not being unreasonable. You are simply asking for quality time in a relationship where time together is limited. That is not jealousy. That is emotional honesty.
It is clear your partner has a close bond with his son, and that is something to appreciate. A father who stays connected to his adult child is often someone with a strong sense of loyalty and care. The issue here is not the son reaching out. It is the lack of boundaries around when and how your partner responds, especially during your shared time.
Healthy boundaries do not weaken relationships. They strengthen them. They help everyone feel respected and valued. Right now, your needs are being unintentionally sidelined. It is perfectly fair to say, "I really value our time together, and it would mean a lot if we could unplug a bit during holidays so we can truly connect."
This does not mean shutting his son out. It means carving out space for your relationship to thrive. If your partner understands and loves you, he will want to find that balance, too.
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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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