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Dear Annie: My granddaughter dated a young man for four years before breaking things off about a year ago. During that time, he became part of our family in many ways. Even after the breakup, he continued coming to church with us every Sunday. In fact, we've grown closer in the past year, sharing pews, Sunday lunches and family stories. My granddaughter usually joins us, too, and while it hasn't always been easy, we've all managed to find a rhythm.

Now, however, things are shifting. My granddaughter has been seeing a new boyfriend for about six weeks, and she has asked that her ex stop coming with us because her new boyfriend wants to start attending church alongside her. She says it feels awkward, and her new boyfriend has made it clear that he is uncomfortable sitting beside her ex at Sunday service.

Here's the tug at my heart: I see her ex almost like another grandchild. We've shared holidays, celebrated milestones and supported one another through tough times. I feel deeply conflicted -- torn between respecting my granddaughter's wishes and wanting to continue offering kindness and belonging to someone who still feels like family.

How do I balance loyalty to my granddaughter with compassion for the young man we've welcomed as one of our own? -- Conflicted Grandma

Dear Conflicted: You are in a tender spot, and it's easy to see why. After four years, your granddaughter's ex became woven into the fabric of your family. When a young person shows up every Sunday, shares meals and is treated as a grandchild, that bond is real -- and it doesn't just dissolve because the romance ended.

But your granddaughter has moved on, and her new relationship deserves respect. If her boyfriend finds it uncomfortable to sit beside the ex at church, that's understandable. At the same time, it is not your job to "banish" anyone from the pews. Church is a place of faith and community, not ownership.

The best course is to step out of the middle. Encourage your granddaughter to speak directly to her ex about what she needs. Meanwhile, you can offer the young man kindness without promising him the same place in your weekly routine. A gentle message such as, "We care about you and always will, but things may look a little different now," allows him to feel valued while making room for the new chapter.

Relationships change shape, but compassion never has to. Your role is to model grace, protect your granddaughter's comfort, and keep the door open without being caught in the tug-of-war.

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