ArcaMax

Dear Annie: I genuinely like my job and most of the people I work with. We are a small office, so we see a lot of each other, share the same kitchen and bump into one another all day long. Normally that is fine, but lately one co-worker has turned cold and flu season into his own personal hobby.

I will call him "Carl." Carl has a special talent for showing up to work obviously sick and acting as if it is a virtue. It starts with a little sniffle and a bright announcement that he is "totally fine." By the next day he is coughing constantly, his voice is scratchy, his eyes look watery and he is still insisting it is allergies or "just a little thing."

He is also very social when he is sick. He loves stopping by desks to chat. He leans in to show you something on his phone. He offers to help by borrowing your stapler or hovering over your computer screen. Then he coughs into his hand and touches the office door handle, the coffee pot and the communal pen like he is trying to make sure his germs have a full social life, too.

A few of us have tried gentle hints. We have asked if he is feeling OK. We have mentioned that we can work from home. We have said, politely, that we would really rather not catch whatever he has. Carl just laughs and says he never takes sick days and that he is "toughing it out." He talks about it like it is an achievement, which makes it even harder to respond without sounding like a scold.

I do not want to embarrass him, and I do not want to create tension in a small workplace. At the same time, I am tired of worrying every time he walks past my desk. We have co-workers with kids and older parents. We also have one colleague who is immunocompromised, and watching Carl stroll in coughing and cheerful feels less like dedication and more like carelessness.

What is the best way to address this directly while keeping things civil? Is there a line I can use that is firm but not harsh, maybe with a touch of humor? And if he brushes it off again, is it reasonable to bring this to a manager or HR, or will I look petty for simply wanting a healthier office? -- Holding My Breath at Work

Dear Holding My Breath at Work: You are not petty. You are trying to keep yourself and your co-workers healthy, and that is basic courtesy in a shared workplace.

Skip giving hints and be kind and direct. The next time Carl comes in clearly sick, say something simple and calm, privately if you can. Try, "I hope you feel better, but I need to ask you to work from home when you are coughing and symptomatic. I really cannot afford to catch this." If you want a light touch, you can add, "I like you, Carl, but I do not want to share your germs."

If he brushes you off, bring it to your manager, not as a complaint about Carl's character but as a request for a clear office expectation. Frame it around protecting the team, especially vulnerable co-workers. A good workplace can be compassionate about illness and still have standards.

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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.