ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend who occasionally attends functions with me where food is available -- usually breakfasts. She invariably takes an item (a bagel, muffin or cookie, say), breaks off the amount she wants and then puts the remainder back on the serving platter.

I think this is wrong, as she's touching the food with bare hands and returning it for others to eat. If it's a casserole or something to be scooped up with utensils, that's fine, but not a single-serving baked item that she's touching.

She thinks it's a good practice to not waste food that she won't eat and, if she just wants "a taste," it's OK for her to break off what she wants.

Interestingly enough, when I bake an item for home, like brownies or a pie or casserole, I tend to allow people to choose their own size/portion. Yet if this same friend is present, she will grab a knife and cut the item into equal portions, despite being asked not to do so!

Is it me or is there a right answer?

GENTLE READER: Your friend is a public menace, isn't she?

The right answer is for her to be a good guest, which means not trying to play hostess and keeping her hands off food meant for other people. At functions you are both attending, this also applies to you. In your own home, Miss Manners recommends walking the platter around, as that will limit her access to the serving knife -- or at least to a stable surface on which to employ it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I attend our local university basketball games. Because he is hard of hearing, we are very conscious of the damage the excessively loud noise can do to one's ears.

We both wear hearing protection at the games: him to protect what he has left and me to preserve the good hearing that I have.

I am very much bothered when I see young children, some only babies, who are in attendance without hearing protection. I know that speaking to the young parents would likely be seen as objectively intrusive by a busybody grandma, yet I strongly feel an urge to alert them to the damage that can be done to young ears.

Is there a rule of etiquette that speaks to this situation?

GENTLE READER: There is, and it prohibits you from telling strangers how to live their lives.

Miss Manners realizes that this seems harsh: One is allowed to yell or grab people to prevent them from being hit by a car, so why not something that feels -- to you, from your own experience -- no less threatening?

Unfortunately, there are enough bad things that could happen that if everyone were constantly coming up to us to tell us what not to do, we would be inundated.

This rule does not apply to corporations, however, so you should feel free to express your concerns to the venue and the teams.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN