ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have become friends with another couple over the past two years, and we frequently invite them for dinner. Lately, I've noticed that the husband leaves the toilet seat up after using the bathroom.

Both my husband and I have a habit of closing the lid before flushing. Is there a way I can politely bring this up with our guest?

My husband believes it would be rude for me to mention it and that I should do nothing. If not a polite conversation, is it rude to leave a little framed sign in the bathroom: "Please close lid before flushing"?

GENTLE READER: Are you sure that is what you really want?

Because if your guest (or anyone, really) closes the lid before flushing -- without a quick glance behind to make sure that everything is ... expunged -- you might get an unpleasant surprise when you return.

Miss Manners suggests that you do your best to ignore your guests' bathroom habits and resist putting up that sign. People have all sorts of private behaviors, and neither you nor she really needs to hear about them (she thanks her gentle readers in advance for sparing her).

If you absolutely cannot control yourself, however, next time it happens, she will permit you to turn to your husband in front of the guest and in a loud stage whisper, say, "I'm afraid the cat was drinking out of the toilet again. He always does that when the lid is left up."

Of course, your husband will have to consent to the ruse, and you may need to procure a cat.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a good relationship with my neighbors across the street -- we're not friends, but we have a nice, friendly manner with each other.

Occasionally they ask me to bring their mail into the house when they are gone for longer periods of time -- and here comes the dilemma.

As a "thank you," they always give us a bottle of wine. The bottles have no sleeves or any other identifying marks on them. We don't drink wine. Never has anyone seen us drink it, because we don't!

Yet, I have a cabinet full of unmarked bottles that I don't know what to do with. After years of receiving bottle after bottle, I don't know how I could let my neighbors know that we really don't want them. I can't even regift them to someone else, because they have no sleeves on them. What can I do?

GENTLE READER: Unmarked bottles of wine, like unmarked white vans, are not to be trusted. Miss Manners suggests you continue to accept them graciously and then discreetly pour the contents down the drain -- and make sure you dispose of the empty bottles in the next town over.

While you are discarding things, however, please do away with your outrage over mere acquaintances not knowing the particulars of your drinking habits. It makes your case ever so slightly less sympathetic. Your neighbors were trying to please you, although they failed. That they do not study your drinking habits from afar is a good thing.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN