Why Are All These People So Obsessed With Me?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately, I find that whenever I schedule even the most mundane of appointments, I am endlessly nagged by correspondence from the host: "Please confirm Lady Tuna's rabies booster appointment," or "Are you still planning to attend our Needle-Felting Calico Cats class at the library?"
Such repetitive messages arrive by post, text, email and sometimes even dreaded phone calls -- at all hours of the day. These multiple demands for confirmation have grown tiresome.
Perhaps I'm annoyed because such hounding dredges up memories from my dating life. Gentlemen were so eager to spend time with me that they pestered me endlessly to ensure our date was still on. The consequence of their exuberance was that I would, politely and with fair warning, release them to the wilds: "Something suddenly came up, and I fear I must forgo the pleasure of dining with you ... ever again."
How do I politely discourage restaurants, salons and taxidermists from hounding me? After all, I am the party who initiated the appointment, so of course I will attend! Furthermore, I am usually requesting from them a crucial service -- say, surgery.
I'm inclined to escape the unending confirmation requests by "breaking up" with the desperate parties, but I'm quite sure it's not good for my health to dump my surgeon simply due to the office's wild desire to make sure I show up.
Perhaps the solution is as simple as Miss Manners issuing a polite, but stern, PSA or a witty bon mot discouraging this practice.
GENTLE READER: As someone who likewise keeps her appointments, Miss Manners also finds it annoying to receive 236,475 emails, phone calls and texts reminding her about them. Especially when she then finds herself in waiting rooms long past those scheduled times.
Many of these reminders are automatic, so unsubscribing from emails or blocking texts is a short-term solution. But if Miss Manners is to issue a declaration, it is that everyone else should stop canceling appointments at the last minute and commit to showing up on time. You are ruining it for the rest of us.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am wondering how one responds to people who offer rude and unsolicited commentary on one's alma mater.
I was introduced to the friends of a neighbor, and the question "Where do you go to school?" came up. I told them, and one of them responded, "I'm sorry."
He evidently thought himself the soul of wit, but, as I have to look for a job with my degree from this school, I did not find his comment at all amusing. I laughed with him anyway, partially because it was expected, but mostly because I was startled. Later on, I felt like a twit for laughing.
Is there any polite response to a comment such as this one? I do not wish to laugh at the reputation of a school at which I have had a good experience as a student, nor do I wish to respond with rudeness.
GENTLE READER: "Why?" comes to Miss Manners' mind. Or genuinely asking what is funny. Nothing disarms a bad joke like taking it seriously. And watching the joker splutter an explanation is what really makes it amusing.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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