Life Advice
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Milennial Life: You Say Don't Poke the Bear, but the Bear Is Already Here
The city in which I serve as a councilor is not a sanctuary city; however, it adopted a welcoming city solution back in 2017. It affirmed us as an immigrant-friendly city and made clear that our police should not detain or arrest people based on their nationality or ethnicity, nor seek proof of a person's citizenship status, and should not ...Read more
Ask Anna: Should I stay married to someone who doesn't desire me?
Dear Anna,
I'm a 39-year-old man, married to my 36-year-old wife for 11 years. Last month I discovered she'd been having an emotional affair with a coworker that lasted about three months. When confronted, she admitted she hasn't felt attracted to me for over a year and that she's never really felt that "spark" with me, even though we've always...Read more
Single File: Workaholism -- Part 1
When career becomes life and there are virtually no boundaries between them, work stops being the connection it can -- and should -- be. When does that happen? Well, for one thing, when there is nothing it can connect you to. Think about that, please. In the same way an alcoholic hides behind a bottle, you could be using your job to protect ...Read more
Ask Dating Coach Erika: 'How do I ask ____?'
So many questions I get, as a dating coach, follow the format of, “How do I ask ____?” That blank might be “for more time together,” “for a date this Friday,” “for a few texts between dates,” “what they’re looking for in the future.” And in all of these cases, I would simple cross off the “how do I ask,” and you’re ...Read more
Millennial Life: When Empathy Feels Impossible
There is always a moment after tragedy when the public is told to summon empathy, usually for the person who caused the tragedy. But this week the ask for empathy was for someone who many felt didn't deserve it and who wouldn't have offered in return. Many people bristled, asking why they should care about someone who actively promoted damage in...Read more
Ask Anna: What to do when you've been dating for months but aren't 'official'
Dear Anna,
I'm a 28-year-old woman who's been seeing this amazing guy (31) for eight months now. We spend most weekends together, text daily and I've met some of his friends, but we've never actually had "the talk" about what we are. I’m pretty sure he's not seeing anyone else because we're together so much, and I'm pretty sure he knows I'm ...Read more
Single File: The Other Woman Speaks
DEAR SUSAN: This is my response to your recent column about single women dating married men. You tell us that when the man's wife learns of the affair and gives her consent, single women seem to lose all interest in continuing it. Well, Susan, I disagree mightily.
In the past, I happened to be the other woman, and I desperately wanted him to ...Read more
Ask Dating Coach Erika: 'When is the best time for the 'what are we?' question?'
We have a selection of questions today, ranging from “feminine energy” to the sometimes dreaded “What are we?” conversation. I’m here to shed some light on, and hopefully, demystify a few common dating questions.
Q: What does it mean to be in your feminine energy?
A: I don't use language like this, so I’m not 100% sure what the ...Read more
Millennial Life: Presently Aware of Too Many Things Not on Socials
A TikTok video I saw the other day suggested that I should reclaim my attention to the present. Mid-scroll, the app that makes money off my distracted brain suddenly wanted me to log off and be present. That's like the bartender telling you to quit drinking while he pours the next shot.
Be present, as if the present is some enchanted meadow we'...Read more
Ask Anna: How to handle conflict when your partner only wants to text
Dear Anna,
My girlfriend and I have been long distance for about a year, and one of the biggest points of tension between us is communication style. She only ever wants to text — she doesn’t like phone calls or FaceTime, even when we’re just catching up. The thing that really drives me up the wall, though, is that when we fight or need to...Read more
Dear Jon Letters
DEAR READERS: Do you think being me is easy? Do you think being behind a computer much of the day -- pounding out advice meant to be helpful -- is all fun and games? Well, think again. Just recently, some pretty strong stuff came my way from online readers (creators.com) who were simply delighted to have a chance to vent. Their reactions follow....Read more
Ask Dating Coach Erika: When is it time to take a dating break?
I was searching for a client on Match.com recently, looking for men in her age range who she might like to send a message to, and I came across this profile:
“I’m tired of being rejected on this site by conceited, snobbish women who proclaim they are looking for an honest, humorous man, when in reality all they are really looking for is a ...Read more
Millennial Life: Be a Buddy, Take a Bullet
My daughter and her best friend started their own business. They made business cards and put the QR code to their Red Cross babysitting certification on the back. Their first client was a neighbor with a toddler who came to our house, where I could watch all three of them, and be a business respite program. I overheard one of them lament after ...Read more
Single File: Bed Gratitude
Her phone call startled me. The distraught woman on the other end spoke in rapid-fire sentences, most of them half-finished. Every word was confused, jumbled. But after some time, it became clear that her husband of 30 years was leaving the marriage. He wanted to live alone. In a way, he had already gone; they hadn't had sex in a year, and the ...Read more
Ask Dating Coach Erika: 'Is it a red flag if they get sexual before we've even met?'
YES!!!
Probably half of the questions I get are, “Is it a red flag if (fill in the blank)?” And in many of these cases, based on whatever the “blank” is, it’s not a red flag. It’s a mere preference. For example, “It is a red flag if he has a roommate at age 32?” Probably not. “Is it a red flag if he texts his mother every day?...Read more
Ask Anna: I shut down in long-distance relationships -- how do I stay connected?
Dear Anna,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about six months, and we moved in together pretty quickly — it’s been wonderful, and I feel really loved. The challenge is he’s about to relocate for work for most of the year, and I’m scared about how I’ll handle the distance. I have a weird pattern when people aren’t physically in my ...Read more
Millennial Life: In Bro We Do Not Trust
I've spent most of my career as a freelance writer being a generalist. You don't delve too much into one subject because, really, you can find an expert on a topic who would love to rattle on with acronyms for at least a solid hour.
It's been one of the privileges of journalism to meet with people who believe in your capacity to share their ...Read more
Ask Amy: Exiting with some well-worn wisdom
Dear Readers: Since announcing my departure from writing this syndicated column, I have heard from scores of people across various platforms, thanking me for more than two decades of offering advice and wishing me well in my “retirement.” I am very touched and grateful for this outpouring of support.
The thing is – I don’t think of ...Read more
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