ArcaMax

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been seeing this guy for a few months now, and while I like him, I'm unsure about taking the next step. Recently, he brought up the idea of making our relationship official, but I have some reservations. One of the biggest issues is that he's always gone. He travels frequently for work or other commitments, and I feel like I hardly get to spend quality time with him. Whenever we do see each other, things are great, but then he's off again, and I'm left wondering if I'm really a priority in his life.

For Valentine's Day a few weeks ago, I was hoping we'd have a special moment together; instead, he was out of town again. The thing that bothered me was that he didn't try to celebrate earlier or do anything to make up for it. It's making me question whether this relationship is worth pursuing. Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way? Should I talk to him about my concerns, or is this a sign that we're just not compatible? -- Is He the One?

DEAR IS HE THE ONE?: Don't hang your hat on his reaction to Valentine's Day, even though it has become a bellwether for love. Instead, look at the big picture and at what you want in a relationship. It sounds like you want more interaction and more connectedness than this man has offered you -- at least until now. If you like him enough to see if there is a future for you two, talk to him. Let him know what you are looking for, and ask if he can foresee a time when he is not as absent -- whether that means by proximity or connection via technology. I say that because some people are busy and still make time for each other using smartphones or other tech. If he says he wants to make it work, go for it -- with your eyes wide open.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My guy and I broke up a few months ago, but I can't seem to let him go. I notice when he likes my social media posts, and it makes my heart flutter for real. I miss him, and I am sad that we aren't together. Each time I've tried to get back together with him, he won't try hard enough and it fizzles out. How do I stay away from him when I have a physical reaction that draws me to him? -- Magnetized

DEAR MAGNETIZED: Ask yourself if you deserve being in a state of longing without fulfillment. The answer will be no. Next, ask yourself what you do deserve. What kind of relationship do you want and need to be happy? What qualities are you looking for in a partner? Focus on finding someone who meets those standards. Stop looking for your ex's engagement. Start thinking about yourself. When your body starts tingling, do not allow yourself to indulge in those feelings. Immediately go to the list of qualities you want in a partner. Envision that person, not the guy who doesn't deserve you.

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole

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