Friend Seems To Have Changed After Engagement
DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends is newly engaged! I was over the moon for her when I heard that her partner had proposed. The next time I saw her, I congratulated her and showered her with joy. She seemed coy and a bit reserved about it -- it was almost as if she was surprised that I knew, but I didn't think much of it at the time.
It's been a few months since her engagement, and I've noticed some changes with her. We work together, and she has been arriving late quite frequently; all of her excuses about her lateness involve her partner. I don't know how he's making her late or why she thinks that's a valid reason, but I'm beginning to worry. She seems reluctant about planning her wedding. I offered to help create something nice and low-budget, but she asked me to stop making plans. She's been distant since then. I texted her once around 10 p.m. just checking in and saying we should catch up soon, and her fiance texted me back from her phone saying it's too late for us to be texting. Isn't that absurd? Is my friend in trouble? -- Red Flags
DEAR RED FLAGS: See if you can get her to go to lunch with you or take a walk outside during a break. Tell her directly that you are worried about her. Ask her if anything is bothering her or if she needs help. Urge her to talk to someone about whatever is going on -- if not you, find someone else. Hand her a slip of paper with the National Domestic Violence Hotline on it: 1-800-799-7233. Continue to pay attention to what's going on, and be sure to be there for her when she needs you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been dating this guy for a little while now, and we've really hit it off. On our last date, we were out late, and he got a phone call near midnight. He seemed tense after the call, and without me asking, he told me it was his brother calling for some silly advice. At the end of the night, we went back to his place for the first time. I went to use the bathroom, and I heard him take another phone call. I tried to take my time before coming out so as not to interrupt what sounded like an intense conversation, but when I came out, he hung up on whoever he was speaking with. I asked if everything was OK, and he said yes, so I stayed. We were watching a movie when he began receiving text messages on his screen from a woman's name. She was texting things like, "Call me back" and "Where are you?" He didn't acknowledge them, and I felt uncomfortable, so I told him I was going to head home. He has not reached out to me since then. Should I ask him what that was all about? -- Suspicious Date
DEAR SUSPICIOUS DATE: This man clearly has unresolved issues with someone else that he is not ready to discuss. Cut your losses and move on. If he does contact you again, find out if he has extricated himself from that relationship before you decide to jump back in.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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