Friends Shorten Trip After Being Asked Not To Smoke
DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I spent a weekend with friends my husband and I met on the beach a few years ago. We all really liked each other, so it felt natural to invite them to stay with us one weekend when a lot of mutual friends were gathering since they didn't have a beach rental this year. It was great spending time with these new friends, but the husband smoked cigars constantly. He never smoked inside, but the smoke in the backyard wafted everywhere. I have asthma, and it really got to me. I didn't realize how much smoke there was until I started coughing uncontrollably. It was not good.
I asked my friend not to smoke on the property because I couldn't handle it. Next thing you know, they shortened their trip and left. I haven't spoken to them since. I'm sorry if I came off as rude, but I couldn't breathe. Is there something I should do or say to smooth things over? -- Smoke-Free
DEAR SMOKE-FREE: Since you genuinely like this couple and recognize that it was an unfortunate situation that led to mutual discomfort, reach out to them. Tell them that you enjoyed spending time with them and that you are sorry that it ended up awkward due to the cigar smoke and your asthma. Assure them that you didn't realize you would have had such a violent reaction to the smoke. Add that you hope to see them sometime next summer.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who makes me feel left out whenever we spend time together. She constantly talks about the things she does with her other friends, the trips they've taken, the inside jokes they share and all the fun outings they've had without me. She'll go into detail about how great those times were, and while I try to listen politely, it makes me feel sad and excluded. It feels like she has a lot more fun with them than she ever does with me, and I start to question whether she even values our friendship. I don't know if she's doing this on purpose or if she's just oblivious to how her words make me feel. Part of me wants to bring it up, but I'm worried about sounding jealous or insecure. At the same time, it's exhausting to hang out with someone who constantly reminds me of how much closer she seems to be with other people. How do I tell her that her behavior hurts me without ruining the friendship? If she doesn't change, do I need to rethink whether this friendship is good for me? -- Not a Friend
DEAR NOT A FRIEND: By all means, speak up and tell this woman that you have had your fill of stories about her other friends. Suggest that you two create your own memories together or, if her interests do lie squarely with those other people, she should do both of you a favor and stick with them. It may sound harsh, but she needs some cold water in the face. You should not have to endure her going down memory lane about other people every time she sees you. Stop that now.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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