ArcaMax

You've done everything else with your singleness -- denied it, hid it, apologized for it, wished it away. Well, this is the moment to make a 180-degree spin and actually celebrate your single life! Maybe, just maybe, it's not so bad to actually control your finances, your time, your close circle of friends. When you think about your daily routine and the options you have regarding it, it could be that this single life isn't all that terrible. There are ways to make its advantages bring good things into your life.

--Buy a Rolodex file with medium-sized cards, anticipating starting your own single file. Now that you're with me on this joyride to undependence, you might as well be prepared to keep an orderly, well-organized file of the people and groups you'll meet along the way, names you'll want to keep on tap and available for the future. (Make a note to remind yourself about this project, and get what you will need at your stationery store.) And while you're at it, be sure to give yourself a proud pat on the back (not easily maneuvered) for taking the first step in announcing your growing undependence to yourself.

--Start making plans to host a party -- alone. This may be old stuff to you -- but I bet the other parties weren't given in the same wholehearted spirit as this one. This time, you'll christen the apartment you've always considered "temporary" -- only until you snag a life partner -- because you're making peace with your single state. And, surprise, you are finding a new calmness about your social life and want close friends to share it. Then again, you may not feel up to this celebration, so let's skip it for now -- but put a clip on this page as a good idea. The party won't be fun unless you're up for it.

--This also may be too much for you right now, but it is worth considering and putting in your "to do" drawer. I'm suggesting you send a card to family, friends and maybe one or two romantic interests -- declaring (I kid you not) your newfound undependence. Tell the world (yours, anyway) that you're striking out on your own. Make it silly, formal or a combination of the two; say it in a way that's comfortable for you. But say it! Announce that you're setting up house for real, not waiting for a spouse to make a home. You're proud of yourself for the decision, and you want them to share the good feeling. (You can mention your favorite china and silver patterns, as well as the store that carries them, but that's up to you, far from the reason for the announcement.) This pokes fun at the stale limitations on the unmarried. Might as well have fun with it, no?

I'd love to hear from you about announcing your undependence and everything else that's on your mind. Until next time, then, make the most of your singleness!

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Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks - in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.