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Erika Ettin: Ask the dating coach

Erika Ettin, Tribune News Service on

Published in Lifestyles

We’re here for another installment of “Ask Dating Coach Erika,” where people anonymously share their burning dating questions.

Question: Any tips for someone who works 80 hours per week and is always burned out but wants to date?

Answer: Trust me -- I wish I had the ability to create more hours in the week. Unfortunately, that's not in my skillset!

Everything we do in life is about prioritizing and using our time wisely and efficiently. If you're unable to work less, then you're going to have to truly efficiently use the apps.

Log in for 15 minutes every morning and evening. Always answer people within 24 hours. Set aside at least one day a week when you are able to go on dates. Maybe that's a Sunday morning coffee. Maybe it's a Tuesday evening drink. And make sure that on those dates, you are coming refreshed, even if that means just taking 15 minutes to yourself before the date, changing clothes and spritzing your face so that you feel awake.

I don't have any secrets.

Question: The guy I like has slept with 61 people compared to my 6 people. Are we doomed?

Answer: I truly believe neither of you should know this information. It is personal and past and irrelevant. But now that it's in your head, I don't believe it can ever not be in your head. So no, I don't think you are doomed because of the numbers. I think you may be doomed because it was important enough to ask.

Question: I got dumped after a month, so abruptly. I took our photos down, but he kept me as a friend still. What to do?

Answer: First, I hate the word "dumped." It's reminiscent of trash. You are not trash. You got broken up with. It still sucks. But you can hold your head up high.

 

Now, assuming you meant this person kept you as a friend online, unfriend/ unfollow immediately. Someone who breaks up with you does not get further access to your life if you don't want them to have it.

Question: He says he cares about me but then says he doesn't want any labels. I'm confused.

Answer: He likes you but does not want to be in a relationship with you. We have to listen to his words, and the relevant words here are that he doesn't want to label whatever you are. He gets the girlfriend treatment from you without having to say that he has a girlfriend. It's up to you to decide how much, if anything, you want to put in, knowing that you will ultimately not get what you want.

Question: Advice on wanting to give up dating completely. The apps are awful!

Answer: I'm not sure I have enough time or energy to answer this question. Every day, at least three people say to me: "I hate the apps." "The apps are awful." "There's no one good." I'm tired.

That's just simply not true. I certainly don't want to invalidate your experience, but do you truly think you have done everything in your power to make the apps work for you? Have you messaged people every single day? Have you given it enough time? Is your profile everything it could be? Have you left no stone unturned in every dating app that you're on? Be honest.

Yes, some people are awful. No denying that. In fact, many people are awful. And the apps do allow for a certain sense of anonymity, making people's behaviors worse because there is seemingly no recourse. You have to wade through a lot of muck to get to the good stuff sometimes.

If you don't want to date, I fully support and respect that! Single is a wonderful choice. But the apps are not awful. Some people are awful. And you might not be using the apps the way you should.


©2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC

 

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