It happens all the time. You match with someone online. You ask a thoughtful question about their profile, and they respond… with no questions about you back. You try again with a question. They respond with no questions back. Now what?

I want to introduce a concept called 2QS, or Two Questions and a Statement.

Here’s how it works: Give someone two chances to ask you a question back. Think of it like tennis: You’re in a practice session. You serve the ball to the other side of the net. Your opponent attempts to hit it back, but it careens right into the net, not making it over. It’s too bad, but it happens. Let’s try again. Serve No. 2. Again, your opponent makes contact, and it looks like it might make it back over. Again, it doesn’t. Ugh. You appreciated the effort (or were they just indulging you?), so now you’re really not in the mood to serve again since you were looking for a good, even volley. You decide to politely just hit the ball to the side of the court and walk off, indicating that this practice session is over.

In the realm of online dating, it looks like this: You ask a tailored question, perhaps in response to one of their prompts or photos. If they simply reply with a response to your question and no questions back, give it one more try with one more question relevant to the topic at hand. Then, if they still only respond to your question with no questions back, simply write a statement.

Ninety percent of the time, the conversation is already over at that point, and you’re just shutting the door. The other 10% of the time, the other person will come back and ask you a question because they go back to the conversation, realize there’s nothing to talk about, and say to themselves, “Oh, I didn’t ask a question.” Sadly, for half of this 10%, the question back will be, “So how’s your day?” or “How’s it going?” which is essentially a nonstarter. If you get this rare 5% of people who do ask a return question after 2QS, you can proceed as you see fit.

The reason I recommend ending with a statement after they answer your second question with nary a question mark back in sight is that I never want anyone to accuse you of ghosting or not answering. So, we’re simply closing out the conversation with a statement. Something like, “Sounds great!” or “Sounds delicious!” based on whatever you were previously talking about should do the trick.

Again, I don’t recommend asking, “Do you have anything you would like to ask me?” At this early stage in the process of getting to know someone, I strongly encourage you to observe someone’s behavior rather than teaching them how to have a conversation.

Asking anything more than these two questions becomes a chore. 2QS gives you the freedom to let a conversation end naturally without ever wondering again if you tried hard enough. Having a structure will make this process less frustrating, and you’ll take it less personally when someone doesn’t engage with you. Some people just lack curiosity… or are really bad conversationalists!

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