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Dear Eric: I live in an apartment with my 22-year-old daughter. She had a really bad high school experience that was broken up by Covid, so remote learning didn’t go well either. She eventually got her diploma but since then has not been able to find a job. We are going on about a year and a half now. She applies but doesn’t even get interviews.

This is going to sound selfish, but I want to move away with my boyfriend of seven years so that we can start living our life together (we do not currently live together). I know my daughter is an adult, but she is far from self-sufficient and makes no money to pay rent/bills/groceries.

I cannot kick her out onto the streets; I don’t have it in me to see her struggle like that. I can’t take her with us because they don’t get along. I’m kind of at my wits end here because I don’t know how to change my situation so that I will be able to leave with my boyfriend and also make sure that my daughter can take care of herself. Please, help me.

– Feeling Helpless

Dear Feeling Helpless: Pull your daughter into this conversation. Be honest with her about what your goals are and ask her what her goals are. And then work together to make a plan. It’s been kind and loving of you to provide for her as she struggles with independence. But it will actually be empowering for you to engage her, adult to adult. She’s going to need these skills whether or not she gets a job.

Maybe she needs training in a specific field or further education; maybe she can cobble together income from gig work. Maybe there are other relatives or friends that she can assist for money or in exchange for housing. I’m not saying this will be an easy process for her, or for you. But something needs to change in her life, and you want something to change in your life. The first step is asking her, “what do you plan to do and how can I help?”

Dear Eric: I have a soft voice that has been criticized by many. I took a required speech class in college, and the instructor made up an emergency and asked if anyone would believe me if I told them about it.

I overheard my principal tell a colleague, “It’s a wonder she had any control over her (elementary) class with that voice.” I am so tired of being talked over by others. Sometimes, I have to start saying something three or four times before people listen. Sometimes, I just give up. Sometimes, I feel like I should act like a child, raise my hand and wait to be called on. Help!

– Quiet as a Mouse

Dear Quiet: Despite what your principal said, I’m presuming you do have control over your elementary school class. You’ve developed tactics that don’t rely on your voice’s volume. Give yourself credit for finding other ways to command attention, teach material and maintain order. Perhaps there are ways of applying some of your classroom skills in other areas in life.

Also, look into a class or training with a vocal coach or acting teacher. The voice is an instrument and, like any other instrument, “loud” isn’t always the best setting. Consider a piccolo or a clarinet; when played correctly, they can be quite arresting without very much volume. Similarly, a teacher trained in the voice can work with your specific instrument, show you its features – your vocal cords, your diaphragm, your breathing, etc. – and guide you in ways of using it effectively without having to shout.

Dear Eric: My husband and I enjoy hosting dinner and cards with other couples. This is also reciprocated by a few other friends. I’ve found it cringe-worthy due to the fact that they don’t want to play a game that takes some thought. It’s a game that just relies on the luck of the draw.

I’ve tried to suggest fun different games multiple times. Sometimes I’ll demonstrate the game to try to create interest by explaining strategies that could be used. This is met with disinterest. What can I do?

– Go Fish

Dear Go Fish: When you’re hosting, you might have to cut out the card games or excuse yourself. Or accept it. It’s no knock to them that they’re enjoying a relatively simple game. Perhaps their focus is on the camaraderie rather than the strategy. Game night can be a tricky endeavor. It’s sometimes hard to find people that all align in their desire for gameplay and strategy. If you’re enjoying their company otherwise, it’s best to just accept that they’re happy going fishing, and join them in the pond.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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