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Dear Annie: My daughter "Kate" recently got engaged to her boyfriend of three years. He's polite and responsible, and they seem happy together. The problem is that Kate doesn't want to invite her father -- my ex-husband -- to the wedding. She says it's her day and she doesn't want the stress of dealing with him.

For context, her father and I divorced when Kate was 12. He wasn't a great husband, and he hasn't always been the most involved dad. That said, he has made efforts over the last few years to reconnect. They aren't close, but they do speak occasionally.

Kate says she doesn't want to fake a relationship for appearances. I understand where she's coming from, but I worry she'll regret cutting him out of such a big life moment. I also worry about the fallout. If she doesn't invite him, he'll be crushed, and it could set back any progress they've made.

I've gently tried to talk to her about it, but she shuts it down fast. I'm not trying to push her into anything, but I feel like this could become a wound that's hard to heal later. Should I let it go, or bring it up one more time? -- Torn in Toledo

Dear Torn: You're right that Kate might end up regretting this, but it sounds like her mind is made up. Say your piece once, gently but thoroughly, and then take a step back. Whatever fallout ensues is not your cross to bear.

Dear Annie: I've always had a complicated relationship with my older sister, "Beth." She's the golden child -- successful, pretty, everyone's favorite. I'm more of the quiet one. I've never resented her accomplishments, but I've spent years feeling like I'm living in her shadow.

Recently, something strange happened. I got offered a promotion at work that would put me in a leadership role over a project Beth's company is contracted on. It's a huge opportunity. When I told my parents, they were polite but not enthusiastic. My mom actually said, "Well, let's hope that doesn't make things awkward for Beth."

Beth hasn't said much, just a text that said "Congrats," with a period. Not even an exclamation point.

Part of me wants to let it go and focus on the win. But another part of me feels really, really sad, like I'm still chasing approval I'll never get. I don't want this old family dynamic to steal the joy from something I worked hard for.

How do I celebrate myself without needing my family to do it with me? And is it worth trying to fix something that maybe they don't even think is broken? -- Out of the Shadow

Dear Out of the Shadow: You've been there to celebrate Beth's wins; now it's time for your family to do the same. Share your feelings gently, with something like: "I'm excited about this opportunity and hope it doesn't make things weird between us -- I'd really like for us to support each other, even when our paths overlap."

How your family responds is up to them and out of your control. If they can't show up for you in this moment, it's OK to grieve that -- but don't wait for them to clap before you feel proud.

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