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Dear Annie: My friend "Caleb" and I have been close for six years. We met in college, stayed in touch and still talk almost every day. He's been in a relationship for a while, but I recently realized I have feelings for him.

We've never crossed any lines, but it's getting harder to ignore my feelings. I've tried dating other people, but no one compares. I don't think he sees me that way, and I'm afraid bringing it up could ruin our friendship. But staying quiet is starting to hurt.

Should I tell him the truth or let it go? -- More Than Friends?

Dear More Than Friends: Telling him how you feel could mean rejection and possibly losing his friendship forever. Are your feelings strong and persistent enough to take that risk?

If so, silence won't protect your friendship. Tell him how you feel, but be clear that you respect his relationship and aren't trying to interfere -- just being honest about where you stand.

If he doesn't feel the same, it will hurt, but it will free you to move forward with your eyes open.

Dear Annie: My husband and I moved from California to Florida four years ago to an active 55+ retirement community. I'm retired at 62, but I look and act much younger. My husband is 52 and still working.

We never spend any time together. He works at the clubhouse all day because he has a need for constant socialization. I am, for the most part, happy at home with our dog and take one exercise class nearly every day. It should be noted that I taught primary school and then middle school for 20 years. I still feel the exhaustion from constantly being "on" during those school days, and I enjoy my quiet time now.

Here's the rub: My husband won't do anything unless it's going out to dinner with other people, and he refuses to spend any time alone with me. He tells me to "get some friends." We do have friends in common, but what I really need is warm, close and intimate time alone with him.

Our sex life is nonexistent. He tells me I'm beautiful and that he finds me sexy, but that's where it ends. He just doesn't have any interest outside of playing bocce, having coffee with his friends or working. I feel empty and lonely. I've tried to mention this to him again and again, but he just gets defensive.

Any suggestions? -- Troubled in Florida

Dear Troubled: You're not asking for much -- just quality time with and attention from your partner. That's a very reasonable request, not a demand. For him to tell you to "get some friends" when you're pleading with him to open up and let you in is dismissive and hurtful.

Have one more calm, honest discussion, focused not on blame but on connection. Tell him you're lonely and that you miss being close to him in a way you truly can't get from other "friends." If he still shuts down, suggest couples counseling. If that fails, then you'll need to decide if you're willing to continue living in this loveless limbo. You deserve true companionship, not just company.

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