ArcaMax

Dear Readers,

Valentine's Day has a funny way of making people take attendance of who remembered the holiday, who didn't, who has plans, who pretends they do, who smiles at the grocery store display of roses and who speeds past it like it might ask a personal question.

If today feels joyful for you, wonderful. Enjoy every bit of it. If today feels tender, lonely, complicated or just plain annoying, you are not alone. Love is not a neat holiday. It is a living thing, and it shows up in far more places than a fancy dinner reservation.

We have all been taught in one way or another to treat love like a prize. Find it, secure it, prove it, post it, and if you do not have it, you must be behind. But love is not a status symbol. Love is a practice. It is the daily decision to be kind when you could be sharp, to be honest when it would be easier to disappear and to be present when distraction is calling your name.

And here is the quiet truth that never makes it onto a Valentine's card: Most of the love that steadies us is ordinary.

It is the friend who texts, "You crossed my mind," and means it.

It is the partner who notices you are running low and takes something off your plate without being asked.

It is the adult child who calls just to hear your voice.

It is the neighbor who shovels your steps without making a speech about it.

It is the teacher who sees a struggling kid and chooses patience.

It is the co-worker who says, "I've got this," on the day you can't do it.

It is the way someone stays when it would be easier to drift.

If you want to make Valentine's Day brighter, start by widening your definition of love. Romance is lovely, but it is not the only measure. Love also looks like friendship, loyalty, forgiveness, compassion, respect and the courage to show up.

In the spirit of the day, here are a few simple ways to put love into motion, even if you are not feeling particularly festive.

Write a small, specific thank you. Not, "You're the best" but "Thank you for sitting with me when I was overwhelmed," or "Thank you for making me laugh when I forgot how." Specific gratitude lands like a warm blanket.

Offer love in a form people can actually receive. Some people feel loved through words. Others through help, time or touch. If someone you care about is exhausted, flowers are nice, but a warm meal, a ride to an appointment or a quiet hour together can mean more than any card.

Make peace with imperfect love. Love does not always arrive with trumpets. Sometimes it arrives with someone who tries, who learns, who apologizes and who stays. Sometimes it arrives after you decide to treat yourself more gently. Sometimes it arrives in a hard season, not as a solution but as a companion.

Let yourself receive it. If you are the caretaker, the fixer, the "I'm fine" person, you may be great at giving love and awkward at taking it in. Today, practice saying, "Thank you" instead of "You didn't have to." Let kindness reach you.

========

"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.