Off To A Great Start
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law and sister-in-law wore white gowns to my wedding. Their actions were so obvious that guests commented on it, and the DJ asked for "the real bride to please stand up."
Why would they do this on my wedding day?
GENTLE READER: A mean-spirited prank gone wrong? Regardless, it does not bode well for your future relationship with them. Or for a shared sense of humor.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I give someone a ride to a shared destination, I expect them to drive to my house, and then I'll take them. One friend refuses, as it's in the opposite direction of our destination.
I think this is weird! Why do I have to drive to her house to pick her up? Not a deal-breaker by any means, but it seems quite strange to me. What difference does it make which direction you are traveling in to get a ride?
GENTLE READER: It is indeed strange, but not for the reasons you cite.
Miss Manners thought the point of offering a ride was so that the other person would not have to drive. If it is necessary to drive to your house anyway -- and in the opposite direction of the destination -- how is this practical, much less a favor?
Fortunately for the friendship, you have declared it not to be a deal-breaker. One hopes that you two will figure it out and reconcile -- in time to get to your next destination.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been dating a woman for just over three months. Several weeks ago, I asked if she and her daughter would like to take a road trip with me to a desert town that is very dear to me.
I've been visiting the place annually for over 20 years and own some land there. I've been taking my small, elderly dog with me on these trips.
Anyway, my girlfriend unexpectedly announced that she intended to bring her two young, energetic dogs on the trip. I should have immediately tried to nip it in the bud, but I didn't want to seem like a jerk.
The idea of the three of us, my elderly dog and her two dogs making the trip really stressed me out. When I asked her not to bring her dogs and offered not to bring mine, she threw a fit. I asked her again and told her why, but the trip date is approaching and she hasn't really tried to find a place for the dogs to stay.
Am I right that inviting dogs on a trip is presumptuous, or am I an uptight jerk?
GENTLE READER: Wellllllll ... Miss Manners would not outright call you the latter. But it is not an unreasonable presumption that since you were bringing your dog, your girlfriend thought dogs were welcome.
That you would junk the idea all together rather than endure hers is not the conciliatory move you thought it was. And Miss Manners is not confident that your subsequent explanation did not make it worse.
Pet owners, like parents, do not take kindly to being told that their dependents are undesirable, even if there is evidence. If you want to get more serious with her, you and your dog will have to learn to tolerate hers. Why not practice on relatively neutral territory first?
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN
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