ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a frequent tourist, I take lots of photos wherever I go. I try not to be intrusive, but it isn't feasible to ask permission of anonymous people in public spaces, and U.S. courts have ruled that nobody has a right to privacy in such settings.

Everyone carries a phone these days, and the number of people taking photos has increased exponentially as a result. Candid photos are much more interesting than posed photos or photos without people. Social realism is a movement in art and photography.

I think it's important to capture the people and settings that reflect our times. I do not sell them, but I share the best ones with friends.

I avoid taking photos of people who appear to be homeless or mentally ill, because it seems exploitative.

Perhaps what was once considered rude has become acceptable and prevalent. Perhaps there is a distinction between candid photos in public versus private settings among family, friends and acquaintances. In the latter case, it seems appropriate to share these with the people photographed, offer them copies and destroy any they deem offensive or unflattering.

In foreign countries, I've encountered people who took offense at public photos, but never in the U.S.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, everyone has a camera. If you are photographing the public activity of our time, you must have countless pictures of countless people taking countless pictures -- mostly of themselves.

Yet Miss Manners feels obliged to tell you that there are also many in the United States who dislike being photographed in public and private gatherings, but feel forced into it by photographers who are not as sensitive to their feelings as you seem to be. Often, they are reluctant to speak up, feeling that they are being constantly captured by security cameras anyway.

Prevalent, yes; but not acceptable to all. It is a matter of respect, not of law.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should veterans reply when thanked for their service?

GENTLE READER: "Surely all of us do what we can." Unspoken: "And what do you do?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you respond to dinner guests who ask for items above and beyond those which are visibly on offer or verbally listed by the host?

For example: "Do you have brand X of water?" when the host is asking whether the guest would like some water (generic); or, "Do you have a particular alcohol?" when the host does not mention it specifically.

It seems rude to make the host look small by constantly denying availability or making him scramble to fill the guest's overly demanding and precious requests.

GENTLE READER: Do you have a small fork Miss Manners could borrow? The word "constantly" is stuck in that sentence in an odd place, and it is going to bother her if she cannot get it out where she can have a look at it.

The problem, you see, is that she agrees with you that it is rude for a guest to attempt to show up their host by making impossible or inconsiderate demands. But so many brand names are now used generically that she needs an aspirin -- and does not want a guest to be considered rude who was awkwardly asking if you had fizzy water.

The answer, if you do not, is, "I'm so sorry, I don't. But I have this or that if you would like."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When people are conducting a toast, say, at the dinner table, is it polite (or even necessary) to clink glasses?

GENTLE READER: Try and stop them.

========

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN