But Why Were You Camping On Private Land To Begin With?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know you're going to think this is a made-up letter, but I assure you it's not. (But then, I'd say that even if it were, wouldn't I?)
When one has been invited to stay overnight in a home without indoor plumbing, but is provided with a chamber pot (no lid) under the bed, what does one do with it the next morning? Leave it? Ask one's hostess? What if you don't speak her language?
This happened to my husband and me a few years back, when we were camping in Europe. The people who owned the land were horrified to think of our sleeping outside in the cold. With hand gestures, they made it clear that they would be insulted if we did not accept their hospitality for the night.
Not wanting to be ugly Americans, we did. They generously gave us their own bedroom, which included the aforesaid chamber pot. Necessity compelled us to use it. But the next morning ...
We wound up leaving it in the room, but I still wonder: What was the correct thing to have done?
GENTLE READER: If you are able to decipher "Stay in our bedroom or you're an ugly American" from a hand gesture, Miss Manners feels certain you can figure out one for, "There is poop in the potty; what do we do with it?"
Because no doubt your hosts came up with their own hand gesture when they discovered your unpleasant surprise.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When live musicians are performing during the dinner hour at a restaurant, is it rude not to applaud after each number, or should the music simply be considered part of the ambience?
GENTLE READER: The artists will understand if you do not drop your fork every five minutes to stop and applaud. And the servers will appreciate it.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am one of a group of friends who have known each other for 30+ years, from early middle age into what are now our "golden years." We've been through a lot together, supported each other through individual struggles, and been there for the good times, too.
We are all now widowed, but still get together regularly to enjoy plays, operas, dinners out and to celebrate each others' birthdays. These are occasions for us, not just "let's meet for lunch," and we dress for the occasions.
At these times, I make it a point to offer a sincere compliment to my friends -- anything from how well they are looking, to a becoming choice of clothes or an attractive hairstyle -- knowing the time and effort it takes to put ourselves together. But no one ever seems to reciprocate, and this bothers me.
None of us has a husband now to tell us we're looking pretty or beautiful. And I think it's important that we hold each other up, acknowledge each others' efforts, let each other know we've still "got it."
Am I just a petty narcissist? Fishing for compliments? If not, how do I tactfully approach my friends on this subject?
GENTLE READER: "Don't we all look nice?"
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN
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