ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation for a work-sponsored event. The invitation states: "To help us minimize our environmental footprint and make cleanup easier, we kindly ask that you bring your own silverware, plate and beverage container."

So, when I arrive, I will be toting a plate, some silverware (not sure if I will need a knife or a spoon) and a cup or water bottle. Then when I leave, I will be taking home these same items, now dirty. This feels quite awkward to me -- and messy!

My daughter also received an invitation to an event that asked that she bring her own beverage container. Is this a new trend? What do you think of these requests?

GENTLE READER: Your workplace is playing fast and loose with the words "sponsored" and "event." If the guests are providing basic supplies, it is neither.

Besides the obvious rudeness and inconvenience, Miss Manners does not even understand how it helps the environment. Does it not take the exact same amount of dirty dishes and cleanup effort -- just distributed amongst the invited guests instead of the hired cleanup crew (who surely must be present for food service anyway)?

It is enough to make one never want to leave the house. In fact, you may want to bolt down the furniture. Requests for supplying your own table and chair might be next.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the "last hostess standing" in my family and an associated circle of older friends. Everyone else has a reason why folks cannot gather at their house.

I welcome their offers to "bring something" because I cannot manage holiday meals and birthday celebrations without help. I've gotten quite good at suggesting what to bring.

I have one relative who insists on doing preparation in my kitchen immediately before the meal instead of bringing a completed dish. I swear, if I asked her to bring salt, she would need 3 feet of counter space and 30 minutes to assemble an heirloom salt grinder first. She'd also need two people to assist, and she'd complain I don't have salt spoons.

Is it OK to ask her to do the dishes instead?

GENTLE READER: Not really. But how about drinks? Preferably ones in closed containers that do not require mixing, shaking or decanting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every time I go out to eat with a particular friend, and there's another friend with us, she does the rudest thing. When we are finished eating and are just sitting around the table talking, she will suddenly jump up without warning and say she has to go. It's always so sudden and so jarring.

She never does it when it's just the two of us, and I'd gently let her know of my displeasure if she did.

Any suggestions on how I might deal with this discourteous behavior? Or is this just something I must silently and sullenly abide?

GENTLE READER: Jump up just as suddenly and say, "Wait, what?! You're going?! Is everything OK? Do you need a ride somewhere? HOW CAN WE HELP?"

That oughta put an end to Particular Friend's sudden departures. Or at least, Miss Manners would think, slow her down.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN