ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in line at a busy cosmetics store. The line wasn't moving very fast when the woman behind me asked me to save her place: She said an employee had forgotten to give her something, and she had to get it. I was approximately fifth in line and there were at least that many people waiting behind me.

I looked at the people behind her and I told her no -- but before I could explain why I wasn't comfortable holding her place, she called me rude and proceeded loudly to say how mean I was that I wouldn't do this for her at Christmas.

At the same time, the woman in front of me turned around and also berated me -- but this woman also didn't step up and say she would do it. I told her she really needed to ask the people she was in front of to hold her place. The man behind her said he would.

All through my wait and checkout, she continued to loudly tell everyone who would listen how rude I was, and I was even called a Grinch.

I felt embarrassed and hurt, and I feel like I didn't do anything wrong by denying her request. I personally would never ask anyone to do this for me; I would have left the line, gotten my item and then gotten back in line at the end.

GENTLE READER: Standing in line has gotten hazardous. You are far from the only one to report being insulted while waiting to check out.

Everybody seems to be disgruntled and defensive. And Miss Manners notices that this includes you.

This was not a question of breaking into line, but of being momentarily absent from it. Is it really such a crime to dash out and pick up another item and then return to the line? Did you at least begin with an apology for not doing so?

All of you clung to your own abstract sense of justice over an extraordinarily trivial matter to prevail over the obligation of common courtesy. It makes for a very unpleasant society. Merry Christmas.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way for my 16-year-old daughters, who are twins, to respond when a friend asks them, "What do you want for your birthday?"

They are having a small party, and one of the girls asked that question. We are really starting to work on our manners and don't really know the correct way to respond to that.

GENTLE READER: "World peace."

It saves them from sounding greedy.

Miss Manners, who rails against wish lists, realizes that this awkwardness would have been avoided had there been one. But would-be donors are supposed to take the trouble to observe tastes -- or at least ask others who might know.

In this case, it would have been ridiculously easy to ask Sophia what Olivia might like, and to ask Olivia what Sophia might like.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN