ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several years ago, a divorced woman exactly my age moved in next door. I liked her very much and tried to become friends with her.

Although she was chatty enough outside the house, she never invited me in, and the few times I invited her, she had other things to do. I eventually gave up and settled for the occasional brief conversation in the yard.

Last year she was very sick and completely housebound. I started visiting her, and she seemed very pleased to see me and always encouraged me to return. As she gradually improved in health and began going out again, my visits became fewer. I kept trying to come up with reasons to text her or go over. Every time she saw me, she claimed she was very pleased and that we should keep getting together, but she never initiated a single contact.

At Thanksgiving, I texted her and she enthusiastically wrote back that she was so glad to hear from me. A few days before Christmas, I noticed her car was gone. I realized she must have gone to her daughter's, several hundred miles away, for the holiday. I felt very insulted that she hadn't bothered to tell me she was going, and that despite all my attempts at friendship, she never sent me any sort of Christmas wishes.

Should I just give up on this woman? Shouldn't a friendship be somewhat of a two-way street? I had thought after all the contact we had last year, we had finally cemented our relationship, but it doesn't seem to have happened. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That you are a good neighbor. But too anxious a friend.

Miss Manners suggests that you stop monitoring the lady's car. She is not obliged to check in with you before going away.

But if it means that much to you, you could encourage her to do so by saying, "If you let me know when you'll be out of town, I'll be happy to take in your mail."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our high school reunion committee is planning a 50-year reunion for our class. The committee would like to have a memorial table for those who have passed, including listing a cause of death next to the classmate's name.

What is your take on this? Should the memorial table include just the names and maybe their age at death? In my mind, including the cause of death is not only gruesome, but also detracts from the point of the party. Others have the opinion that this is another way to honor their lives.

GENTLE READER: Describing their deaths would honor their lives?

Now you have Miss Manners worrying about what sort of education your high school offered. Would these graduates be capable of writing a short essay explaining why that would be considered an honor?

========

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN