The Music Is Too Darn Loud
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a large city, and used to enjoy going out to lunch or dinner with friends. However, the loud music combined with the lack of sound-absorbing materials in restaurants have made dining out a stressful event.
It has become almost impossible to converse in a normal tone of voice. As we age, many of us wear hearing aids. It is difficult to distinguish words in a background of noise. Many young people also complain about the decibel level.
We often ask the waitstaff if the volume can be lowered, but to no avail. (If we are the only people in the restaurant, the volume might be lowered, but as soon as another party enters, the volume is pumped up again.)
No wonder people have lost the ability to converse! What can we do, other than staying home and getting takeout delivered?
GENTLE READER: You are more likely to enjoy your evening out if you choose a restaurant by decibel level, just as you would select a type of cuisine, such as Moroccan or Sichuan.
Miss Manners suggests that you call ahead and explain that you are looking for a quiet restaurant.
No restaurateur wants an unhappy customer, so they are unlikely to mislead you, and your call might make them wonder if they should be turning down the volume.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an RN, and I spent most of my 30-year career working at a community hospital near my home. It didn't have the greatest reputation, but it had some great doctors and nurses, and I was proud of the work we did.
When asked, I tell people where I worked, and am often met with, "Oh, I would never go to that hospital" or "I hate that hospital." (This also happened while I was still working there!)
I am at a loss as to how to respond to these rude people. Usually, I just ignore the ignorant comment, but sometimes, I'd like to have a comeback ready that would make them aware how hurtful and thoughtless they are. Any ideas?
GENTLE READER: Tell them you are sorry they had a bad experience -- or whatever they are relating about the hospital. Miss Manners fears that you may be in for a long story.
Then mention that you worked with some very dedicated professionals, but do not know the current situation. And change the subject.
Please, however, note Miss Manners' full answer. You asked how to make them realize they were rude and feel bad about it. She did that -- and possibly also got them to rethink their opinion of the hospital.
You neglected to ask how to do this without starting an argument or convincing the questioner that you are just as bad as the hospital. Which is what would have happened, had you contradicted them without giving them an out, or by glaring at them and letting the conversation grind to a halt.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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