ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently lost a significant amount of weight -- enough that I had to go buy all new clothes. I know a young lady who doesn't have any money, and she is about the size I was before. I think she could probably use my old clothes, but I can't bring myself to ask her.

Is it rude to basically say, "I'm skinny now and don't need these fat clothes, but I thought you could use them"? I'd love to hear what you have to say about this.

GENTLE READER: What you are suggesting will not only draw attention to this young woman's size, but also to her poor financial situation. Not a good idea when your intention is to be gracious. Of course you can offer the clothes to her, but only in the unlikely event that she asks.

That is what Miss Manners has to say about this.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When we visit my brother and sister-in-law, he will take calls on speakerphone, stopping the rest of us from conversing. I hate it, but don't know if there's any way to suggest he take the call in private or off the speaker.

GENTLE READER: Why should this stop you from conversing?

It seems to Miss Manners an excellent opportunity to keep talking loudly. That it will annoy your brother into taking the call elsewhere is just a fortunate consequence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our niece had a wedding shower recently. Living 1,800 miles away, we declined the invite, but went to the wedding registry and purchased a gift costing $100 and had it delivered.

Fast-forward to two weeks before the wedding. My husband found out that father of the bride (his brother) was ranting that we weren't coming to the wedding and also weren't sending a gift. We had planned only a card for the wedding, but my husband acquiesced and sent a $100 gift card for their honeymoon.

To date, we have yet to receive a thank-you of any kind for either gift. I understand that times have changed, and I would have gladly accepted acknowledgment of the gifts via email or text (although not my first choice).

My daughter says it's not the bride's fault that she wasn't taught to acknowledge gifts, but I am calling BS. I am giving them a year, and then I will send something in writing to the newlyweds and my BIL.

There will be no more gifts, baby or otherwise. Am I wrong?

GENTLE READER: Yes, it would be wrong to give a baby as a gift. Also to write a complaint.

Otherwise, you are correct. You need not continue to give presents to people who do not acknowledge them. And your husband should not have allowed himself to be bullied by his brother into sending a second present. Because a present that is over $100, Miss Manner assures you, is indeed meant for a wedding and not a shower, whose gifts are supposed to be more nominal.

You may consider your future present omissions a crash course in the consequences of a lack of appreciation, as this course was missing from bride's upbringing.

========

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN