Co-Worker's Personal Struggles Impacting Her Job
DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my co-workers has had a lot of personal stuff on her plate lately. I am always an advocate for work-life balance, because no matter what, you should always take care of yourself (mentally, physically, spiritually, personally -- whatever that looks like). Normally, she goes above and beyond for the team, so I wanted to extend her the grace she needed to really prioritize her personal matters. Because we work in a small department, when she is out of the office, all of her work falls to me. It was manageable at first, but now, despite her being back at work, she really hasn't gotten back to full work capacity, so I'm still left with some of her workload. I don't want to pressure her, especially if she might be sensitive to other things on her plate right now, but I don't know that involving our boss is the best idea either. I need some relief, but I'm not sure what to do. -- Pulling Slack
DEAR PULLING SLACK: Talk to your co-worker in private and let her know that you remain sympathetic to her struggles, but you can no longer take the weight for her. Explain that your work-life balance is now being impacted negatively because of your efforts to lighten her load. You just can't do it anymore. Tell her what duties you need to give back to her. If she is unable to handle them, suggest that she, or both of you, speak to your supervisor to come up with a plan.
If she chooses to do nothing, your next step is to speak to your boss to explain the situation and ask for help.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister has a history of being in toxic romantic relationships. Her patterns and choices have gotten a lot better over time, but she still falls back into some of her own old habits sometimes, like obsessing, overthinking, online stalking and more. Last week, we had a video call to catch up and discuss her upcoming birthday, and soon into our conversation, she started showing me screenshots from her partner's social media accounts. He was on a trip with friends, and my sister became paranoid because his communication was minimal.
Whenever she gets like this, I find it hard to talk to her. I don't want to investigate; I don't even really care. I try to get her to see that if she is this anxious or uncomfortable, perhaps this person is not right for her, or maybe she's not ready for a relationship. How do I pump the brakes on these kinds of conversations with my sister? I'm exhausted. -- Toxic Lovers
DEAR TOXIC LOVERS: Your sister might be the only one bringing toxicity to these relationships. It is unreasonable for her to get so upset because her boyfriend was busy on his trip and not as communicative as she would like. How often does she take people's efforts to live their lives as an affront to her personally? She would benefit tremendously from therapy, where she can unpack her behavior and the behaviors of her friends and lovers to get to the truth.
Tell her that her relationship machinations are above your pay grade. You do not know how to help her, and you cannot take on the burden of listening. Encourage her to go to therapy.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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