Stranger's Mix-Up Causes Reflection on Health
DEAR HARRIETTE: I was coming up out of the subway the other day when a man spoke to me from behind. He complimented me on my outfit and then looked at me. He remarked that he had thought I was someone else -- a prominent woman in our city. It was a compliment in that regard, but a little jarring, too. This woman is much larger than I am -- at least I think so. It got me thinking about whether I have a realistic sense of my size. I know I have gained weight in recent years, but this other woman is obese. Is that how people see me? Is that true about me? My head started spinning. It really has nothing to do with the other woman; I like her a lot. It is more of a wake-up call to me. I have been so busy that I rarely exercise or do anything for my health. It's past time to take action. How can I start? -- Inertia
DEAR INERTIA: Maybe that moment is the jump-start you've been waiting for. Chances are, that person who saw you was thinking less about size and more about stature when he thought you were that other woman. I doubt he was dissing you.
It is good that the interaction woke you up. If you know you need to work on your fitness, use this moment as a catalyst to start moving. Commit to taking a rigorous walk daily. Join a gym. Get a physical to check your overall health. Move!
DEAR HARRIETTE: Every year, my family does a secret Santa, and every single year my sister-in-law completely ignores the $30 limit and buys extravagant designer wallets, luxury handbags, perfume sets worth over $100 ... you name it! The rest of us try to stick to the budget because we agreed to keep things simple and affordable for everyone, but her gifts always end up being the "big reveal" of the night, and it makes the rest of us look like we didn't put in any effort at all, even though we're following the rules. It's gotten to the point where people feel embarrassed opening their gifts after hers, and a few relatives have started hinting that maybe they should spend more, too, which totally defeats the purpose. Secret Santa is supposed to be fun and low-pressure, not a competition or a display of who can give the flashiest present. I appreciate her generosity, but it's creating tension and raising expectations in a way that makes the whole exchange awkward. I don't want to sound ungrateful, confrontational or like I'm nitpicking right before the holidays. I also don't want to make her feel bad for being thoughtful. But something must be said before this becomes an even bigger issue. -- Too Much
DEAR TOO MUCH: Take your sister-in-law aside and acknowledge her generosity as you also point out that she has consistently broken the rules. As lovely as her gifts are, they never fall within the agreed-upon price cap. Encourage her to take on the challenge for this particular gift exchange. What can she find for her recipient that is creative and perfect for them but doesn't blow the budget? That's the way to do Secret Santa. Challenge her to do that this year.
If she wants to get someone a bigger gift, too, she can go for it -- separately, away from the group. Push her to play by the rules. Everyone will be happier.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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