Friend Is Always Late To Events
DEAR HARRIETTE: My colleague has a tendency to be unapologetically late, and I can't stand it! We've traveled together in the past for work, and I have seen firsthand how careless he can be with his time -- even for work functions.
We are more friends than colleagues now, so as I began planning a birthday trip for myself, I had to decide if I wanted him there. Despite my reservations, I invited him to celebrate with me. During the trip, he held up the group on two specific occasions. One time he even caused us to miss a reservation completely. I still enjoyed the trip overall, but he never even had the decency to apologize to my other friends. How can I address this issue with him? I love him, but I shouldn't have to put up with this going forward. -- Poor Tendencies
DEAR POOR TENDENCIES: I'm sorry, but you can't blame your friend for being himself. If you have fretted over his lateness to yourself (or others) but have not talked to him about it, you can't expect him to even know that you are upset about it. He is late. What consequences has he had to endure because of it?
You invited him to come to your birthday knowing that he would probably be late but without talking to him about it. This is on you. Yes, you can talk to him, but be mindful not to blow up and tell him about all of the years of being late that have impacted you. You might even apologize for not addressing this in the past. Then tell him that his lateness is a problem for you and it negatively impacted your trip. Ask him to try to do better.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Two of my children are not speaking to each other. As far as they've told me, they're in a spat over money, and I'm worried. My older daughter got into a car accident while driving my younger daughter's car. The damage amounted to a few thousand dollars, and my older daughter did not want to pay for it. I offered to cover the expenses in hopes that it would settle the dust between them, but it didn't. My youngest feels that her sister should've at least offered to help cover the costs and accuses her sister of always being careless. She told me that she's tired of "always having to clean up her messes." I've reminded her that a car accident could have happened to anyone, but she hasn't budged. I don't want my girls fighting or not talking to each other. Is there something else I can do to mediate more effectively? -- Middle Man
DEAR MIDDLE MAN: Why are you ready to sweep your older daughter's irresponsibility under the rug? If she had an accident, she should pay for it. Her sister is absolutely right about this. It is time to hold your older daughter accountable. Has this type of thing happened before? Perhaps your youngest daughter is fed up with you taking care of her sister's mistakes.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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