Son Has Anxiety After Run-In With Police
DEAR HARRIETTE: My son, a young Black man, has just experienced his first-ever run-in with law enforcement. He has a 1 a.m. curfew and was on his way home from hanging out with friends. In an attempt to make it home on time, he drove above the speed limit; he was pulled over and had a panic attack. The officers who stopped him asked him to step out of his vehicle and arrested him. He didn't even get a chance to show his license or registration. I woke up the next morning having to check his phone location to realize he was at a police precinct.
I was livid, but now I am more concerned about my son's state of mind. He's been crying a lot and trying to figure out where he went wrong. How can I reassure him and help relieve him of his paranoia and anxiety after such an awful first experience with law enforcement? -- Pulled Over
DEAR PULLED OVER: Chances are, he won't speed again any time soon. Remind him that he did break the law and should be careful not to do that again. Otherwise, he must remember to be friendly, cautious and respectful if he ever encounters law enforcement. It's the rule for everyone but especially true for people of color -- whether or not that seems fair. Encourage him not to be afraid but to be clear that he must be compliant if stopped for any reason. Let him get his tears out and then make a plan for living his life safely. You have to have "the talk" with him: during any police stop, sit with hands on the steering wheel, no sudden movements, no arguing and full compliance. Can that be scary? Yes, but that's reality.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Yesterday, I hosted my daughter's second birthday party at my house for my extended family, and I don't think I'll ever host them again. It was my first time hosting them all, and I spent hours planning everything so my daughter would have an amazing party. However, I was frustrated that none of my family asked if they could bring any food, so everything was on me to provide and cook. Also, half of my family didn't even bring gifts. I know birthdays aren't just about presents, but she's 2, and it felt like a basic gesture of love and acknowledgment. Meanwhile, I've always made an effort to show up for their kids' birthdays with thoughtful gifts and support. To make matters worse, a few relatives showed up late, left early and didn't seem engaged while they were there. It honestly felt like they were just stopping by out of obligation rather than celebrating my daughter.
By the end of the day, I felt taken advantage of, unappreciated and embarrassed that I had put in so much effort for people who didn't seem to care. Should I ever host them again, or was part of this my fault for not speaking up and saying something? -- Bad Guests
DEAR BAD GUESTS: You certainly don't have to host everyone at your daughter's next party -- or any other party, for that matter. You should say something to the ones you feel close to, as they are likely oblivious to the impact of their behavior. Say that you are hurt that they didn't offer to help in any way or celebrate her.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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